Canadiens 4, Sabres 3, OT.

"You're going to have to show me where Jochen is holding somebody," whined Buffalo coach Lindy Ruff post-game about Jochen Hecht's blatant interference penalty on Alex Kovalev that led to AK's game-winning PP laser wrister with :25 left in OT—it was Montreal's first OT win of the season. Why don't you shut your ugly face you whiny little girl coach with a female-like first name? The big victory moved the Habs (18-9-5) five points ahead of Buffalo in the Northeast division. Kovalev had eight SOGs and now has goals in three straight, and I pray to Lord Stanley that he has finally de-fogged himself. Notes: Shut-up Ruff. Sergei Kostitsyn had 2Gs and was the game's first star. Next game: in four hours! vs. the stupid, hated Hurricanes. Carey Price back in net.

Canadiens 5, Flyers 2.

Holy shit, what the Hell happened to the hapless Habs (17-9-5) of the last three games? The forwards were driving to the net in droves...perfect, flying Frenchmen-like headman passes by Max Lapierre and Steve Begin(?) setup clean breakaway goals by Matt D'Agostini (5Gs) and Alexei Kovalev (2-game goal-scoring streak!), respectively...the PP potted a pair...Everybody was hitting filthy Flyers left and right...Shit, dapper coach Carbonneau...did you personally shoot B-vitamins into the asses of every player during the pre-game meeting? Notes: Of COURSE ex-Hab Arron Asham scored for Philly...One major complaint—G Jaro Halak was giving up big rebounds like his equipment was rubberized...Next game: tomorrow vs Buffalo.

Gameday Rubber Bullet Points.

• Ulfie Samuelsson blogs that he once tried to electrocute Rick Tocchet.
• Canadiens sign time-traveling Jacques Plante (right) to play goal tonight.
• Olde tyme Leafs/Hawks hockey.
• Marian Gaborik's groin talks...like a gangsta(?).
• Semin on woman. (as an aside, he has the best wrist shot in the NHL).
• Mike Komisarek may be in the lineup tonight.

Montreal Canadiens right winger Alexei Kovalev shoots vulcanized rubber disk into a 4'x6' framed net during an NHL game resulting in an official goal.

And what an artistic goal it was—a shorthanded one-timer off the post off a perfect faceoff win by C Robert Lang. Forget the fact that the Habs lost the game to Carolina, 3-2. Or that the Hurricanes were 3 for ELEVEN on the powerplay as Montreal spent more than a third of the game shorthanded. Or that the Habs (16-9-5) had exactly ONE (1) PP opportunity. Or that this was as blatant a case of anti-Canadien (or anti-Canadian, if you will) refereeing as you'll ever see. No. All that matters is that the talented, beautiful Alex Kovalev ended his 6-week scoreless slumber. NOW, the TEAR starts. Notes: ex-useless-Hab Sergei Samsonov had two assists...When Andrei Markov's batted-in goal was officially disallowed, the 'Canes gave their goal horn a short blast. You stay classy, Raleigh. Next game: tomorrow vs. the very badly hated Flyers.

Capitals 2, Canadiens 1.

After hitting the post late in the game Saturday night from about ten feet out whilst facing a half-empty net, Alex Kovalev's goalless streak is at nineteen (19) games. We're well beyond snake-bitten here. Meanwhile, Patrice Brisebois has gone two games without not scoring a goal. I think if you replaced the opposing goalie with a smallish pile of cow shit, Montreal's so-called snipers would at this point all bury the biscuit in the manure. The Habs (16-8-5) powerplay was 0-fer fucking-8 against Washington, and honestly, they didn't have one good scoring chance with the man-advantage. Subbing for the flu-ey Carey Price, Jaro Halak played a solid game in net. But two goals is about two too many to give up these days. Notes: winger Chris Higgins (shoulder) is out five weeks, Saku Koivu (foot/ankle) at least two weeks...D Ryan O'Burnnn continues to skate like me out there (Gainey—HELP!)...Next game: tomorrow @ Carolina.

Saturday morning rubber bullet points.

• The Capitals dressed their Website producer as backup goalie last night. Maybe he'll start against the Habs tonight? (fingers crossed)
• Habs players have always scored the sweetest endorsement deals.
• Jaro Halak blogs a post for 4HFs.
• Sundin to the Rangers this weekend?
• Mike Bossy had pretty, permed hair.
• What the Winter Classic at Wrigley Field will look like, probably minus the snow.
• Lastly, a fan makes a Stanley Cup out of 16 decks of playing cards and tape and some other stuff and this just made me feel a little queasy (via).

Lightning 3, Canadiens 1.

The Habs (16-7-5) got outplayed, outskated, out-goaltended, out-coached, out-everythinged last night versus the worst team in the league that had lost nine straight. Tampa's two French Canadian superstars were on ice for about half the fucking game and scored all their goals (St. Louis 2, Lecavalier 1). Montreal's blueliners moved like they were wearing 50-year-old skates. AND...Cap Sak Koivu suffered a dreaded "lower body injury." I spent the game drinking cold, cold Russian vodka. Za Vas, brothers Kovalev and Markov! Next game: tomorrow vs. Washington (revenge time, Habs!) (pictured: a man, not Hab G Jaro Halak, struck by lightning, via.)

Canadiens 4, Flames 1.

Though the Flames spent large, extended periods of time in the Habs (16-6-5) zone in all three periods, a combination of inept offensive play and excellent goaltending by rust-free Jaroslav Halak meant a comfortable Montreal win. A new Lang (2 Gs) Kovalev Tanguay line put up seven points, and rook Matt D' Agostini's 4th goal in four games was an unassisted breakaway of beauty (video). Notes: Habs now 4-0-1 on the homestand...After an 0-3 night, the Canadiens' "power"play stretch now at 5-63...Mat Dandenault, who was playing some dandy D, suffered a broken arm, which probably means a return of O'Burnnnnn (O'No)...Next game: tomorrow vs. Tampa Bad...(honestly, an image of a stovetop burner would make a better Calgary logo than the current ugly flaming 'C')

Your during-the-game Rubber Bullet Points.

• Many, many, many words against the shootout. Short version: it's not hockey (true).
• B.U. won the weekend battle of Beantown over B.C.
• Barry Melrose and his mullet are not the least bit bitter about being shitcanned.
• Ranger fans serenaded Dion Phaneuf with "sloppy seconds" chants (via).
• Montreal fans are na-na-na-ing with over 5 minutes left in the game. Idiots.
• Habs win 4-1 (report tomorrow)! Fuck you Mike Kennan!

Devils 2, Canadiens 1, OT.

A day late, and I'm busy as shit at work...but the Habs (15-6-5) deserved to lose in regulation to the stupid, boring, trapping, stupid Devils. They were 0-5 on the PP (5-60 now), and if it wasn't for Matt D'Agostini's (3 Gs in 4 games) 1st period rebound gift goal, Montreal would have been shutout by some goalie not named Brodeur (who had played 41 straight games against the Canadiens). Next game: tomorrow against the Flames. (click for actual 100% authenticated photo of the Jersey Devil, via. My counselors used to scare the fucking shit out of us little ones with JD stories at kiddie camp in the NJ pine barrens.)

pre-game Rubber Bullet Points.

• confusing X-Mas ornament: a penguin in a Red Wings jersey.
• NHL TV ratings are up in most markets, and waaay up in some (via).
• Sean Avery's days as a Dallas Star may be over.
• Don't cry for Lover Boy, though. He's got stuff to do: like work on the development of his movie.
• ...and sit at home and stare at his Philip Starck machine gun lamp (right). "It let's you know there's a man in the house."
• EXORCISE THE DEVILS!!!

Canadiens 6, Rangers 2.

(Haha cutie, your precious Gotham icemen got steamrolled! BooHoo!!!)
I only caught the third period of last night's seeming Total Team Effort. And honestly, after I found out that the Habs (15-6-4) 4-2 lead had once been 4-zip, I was feeling a bit queasy. But Robert Lang's tap-in goal in the first minute of the third—set up by two beautiful passes by Kovalev And Markov—eased my nerves...three in a row, baby! And look at that score sheet! SIX even strength goals. 39-20 shot advantage. Josh Gorges +4. Team effort indeed. And how 'bout D'Agostini's twisted wrister?!? That'll teach you, "King Henrik," to sit back in your net like a lazy pretty king. I think the Habs should now wear those unwashed throw-back uni's every game until they lose again. Next game: tomorrow vs. the evil Jersey Devil(s). (image via)

Canadiens 5, Thrashers 4.

Last night, a 3-0 third period lead became a 3-3 tie faster than shit through a brown thrasher, as the Habs (14-6-4) really, really tried to give crappy Atlanta two points. But Andrei Kostitsyn (1G, 2A) and Thrasher D Tobias Enstrom's leg came to the rescue. Poor Alex Kovalev appeared to have backhanded in his first goal in a month into an empty net only to have Robert Lang (not) get a piece of it. Notes: Lang looked pretty damn good on the PP point, yes?...Little Matt D'Agostini scored his first NHL goal by simply going to the fucking net...Tomas Plekanec scored! He's well on his way to ten for the season...Next game: tomorrow vs. the hated Rangers...You know, I always thought "Flames" was a less-than-becoming nickname for the original Atlanta hockey club. I mean why would you purposely pick a name that paid tribute to General Tecumseh Sherman's historic little scorched earth march? Wonder how many thrashers died?

Rubber Bullet Points, 12/2/08.

• Now George Laraque is blogging. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about that fine tough gentleman.
• The Post's Ranger beat writer Larry Brooks—the only hockey writer in the New York area worth an occasional read—calls for an end to fighting. Nice thought. Not bloody likely. (bloody Roy via)
• Red Wings—Blackhawks, New Year's Day, Wrigley Field. This is going to be pretty fucking cool.
• Ilya Kovalchuk skating on the checking line tonight in Montreal? Kovalchuk. Checking. That's rich (via).

Canadiens 3, Sabres 2.

Another three-goal second period, another win. The Habs (13-6-4) began a seven-game homestand with a big win over division rival Buffalo. Big, because Montreal needed to get the shitty stink of Friday's loss to the Capitals off of them. Big because the Habs finally showed some sustained forechecking and offensive cohesiveness. Cs Max Lapierre and Saku Koivu made sweet plays on Montreal's second and third goals, respectively. They still looked lost on the PP (0-5) and they lacked intensity in their own zone at times and Sergei Kostitsyn took two amazingly stupid slashing penalties but...it was their best overall game in weeks. Notes: Carey Price gave up 2Gs or less for the seventh straight game...all four centers were + on faceoffs, with the Habs winning 36 of 61 total...next game: Tuesday vs. Atlanta. (pictured: book jacket for "Sabre Dance" currently ranked #4,429,436 on Amazon.)

Capitals 3, Canadiens 0.

To properly visualize The Suck that was Habs hockey last night in Washington, I've trotted out the best Halloween costume in history—The Human Dickwad. Grab a dick giveawayer Ryan O'Burn—why did he play 22 fucking minutes? Grab a dick, non-finisher Alex Kovalev—no goals in 12 games and ridiculously stupid play in his own end, for instance; after Montreal (12-6-4) killed of a long 5-3 PP and with the Habs desperate to get the puck out of their zone, AK twice threw it blindly to Washington point men, eventually leading to the third goal. Grab a dick, Jaroslav Halak—for letting Ovechkin score from the end line. And grab a dick, coach Carbonneau—for not benching Kovalev for a couple of games...coddling his ass obviously isn't working. Notes: Yes, ex Hab G Jose Theodore played a good second period when the Canadiens threw some rubber at him, but Montreal disappeared in the third...one positive moment: Latendresse heroically diving to get the puck out of the zone...next game, tonight against Buffalo.

Canadiens 3, Red Wings 1.

Lucky bounce for Max Lapierre. Great pass by Markov on Plekanec's first goal in nine games. Nice backhand by Higgins. And the Habs (12-5-4) had themselves a miraculous three-goal lead at Detroit. Time to sit back and let the Wings come at you in waves, and hope for the best. Luckily, G Carey Price was solid and the defensive zone coverage was adequate. One game anomaly or turning point of the season? Panger/HFF33 goes off his lithium and has that critical discussion with himself. Next game: tomorrow at the Capitals and unfrozen caveman Alexander (12Gs) Ovechkin. (image via)

Rubber Bullet Points, 11/26/08.

• Deadspin covers hockey! Of course, it's a picture of passed-out Flyer prospect James Van Riemsdyck with a penis drawn on his face.
• Darcy Tucker injured his knee and is out four weeks. God, that breaks my fucking heart.
• Energizer is the official battery of the NHL. MYFO celebrates by getting a 5-year-old to help them with Photoshop.
• If Detroit scores three goals tonight, the Habs will lose.
• Photo of pro-Palestinian activist shot in head by Israeli troops with a rubber bullet (looks like Keith Magnuson after a fight with anybody) via.

Islanders 3, Canadiens 3, O'Byrne -1, SO.

Hab blueliners Josh Gorges and Ryan O'Byrne both scored their second career goals last night; Gorges on a PP slapper, and O'Byrne on a delayed penalty wrist shot into his own empty net—he says was passing it back to his goalie but Carey Price couldn't quite reach it 100 feet away on the bench. While not quite a Steve Smith-level gaffe, it did tie the game for the Islanders with less than five minutes to go. And, well, you just knew the Canadiens (11-5-4) were going to lose in the shootout. Notes: Habs won 34 of 55 faceoffs...Power-play was 1-7 as all the PP forwards still need to go to finishing school...Said Saku Koivu, "(translated from Finnish) we suck the smelly ass of an ass beast..." Next game: tomorrow at (yikes!) Detroit...

Your Monday rubber bullet points.

• Devil Dainius Zubrus scores four goals—his sum total from about two seasons with the Habs—in win over the Bolts.
• Little Danny Briere's groin stills hurts him. That's because he's a boy with a girl part. (via, image via)
• "Puck Daddy" writes an irony-free 1,400 fucking word review of "Slapshot 3: The Junior League." This is one of the batshit craziest things I've ever seen...and I've been in NYC for 18 years.
• It's a Shiba Inu cam, except with dudes instead of puppies.