Friday, December 3, 2010

No NHL Center Ice means no blogging.

I can't blog if I can't watch. Instead, I'm listening to the terrible play-by-play calls of CJAD's Rick Moffat and the even terrible-er monochromatic commentary of ex-Hab and 1986 ring bearer (though he DNP in the playoffs) Sergio Monotone Momesso (above) on my MacBook. If I buy the second half NHL TV package, I'll resume blogging.
My take on the season so far (I've only watched four games)? Price, amazingly solid, O, adequate, D, surprisingly pretty good—but without Markov or somebody else significant by trade, not good enough for the playoffs. Tomas Plekanec has become a superb two-way player—which frankly shocks me (I was an early, heavy detractor.). The Habs impressive record to this point is mostly due to The East being even weaker than usual. My girlfriend looks at me listening to a hockey team on a laptop, and just smiles at how stupid that is. GO HABS GO!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Suck it, Flyers fans.

"Unfinished Business" t-shirts? Really? That's the best you could come up with?
And now you can wear 'em allll summer down at the Jersey shore, mooks.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Friday, May 21, 2010


Those first two games? Flesh wounds! And Flyer goalie Michael Leighton's shutout streak, formally 172:05, is now :31. GO HABS GO! (seriously, I think Philly is still in charge in this series, and that Montreal's probable only chance is if Leighton falls apart.)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I can't watch game 7 tomorrow night...

...I didn't watch game 5 Friday, because I was at my parents' Versus-less house. I didn't watch last night's amazing 53-save stoning of the Caps by the Bratislavanator because I was too afraid /busy. I also didn't watch the game 1 win. Washington has won all three games I have watched in this series. So. FUCK. I can't watch.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


But it ain't lookin' good! Can the Bratislavanator steal another one? I doubt it, especially at home. But ya never know. It ain't over til the fat lady is eaten. See you tomorrow night!

Friday, April 16, 2010


Three of Montreal's midget forwards scored, including big-mouth Tomas Plekanec in OT. He's now firmly in Cap goalie Jose Theodore's ex-Hab head. And, if they can continue to hold Ovechkin to ZERO shots on goal the rest of the way, well they might just win this series. See you Saturday, Jose!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

HaBlock. HaLock. Forget it.

I can't think of a good nickname for Jaroslav Halak, The Only Reason The Habs Are Most Likely Making The Playoffs This Year. (There, how bout that one? It's a little lengthy.) 24 hours. 120 minutes. 0 goals. 2 huge wins. Friday at Philly, he was Epic. Five shutouts on the season, now. Carey Price, you sit there and sulk on the bench all you want, pretty boy. Jaro's flopping, ugly, Dominator Dominik Hasek style is hard to watch, and hard to put a puck past. Next game: Tuesday @ the Islanders.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Cam Ward may kill the Habs season.

He stone cold stole two points from Montreal last night. He's now, like, 10-3 against them lifetime. They're two points ahead of ninth place Atlanta. And the Habs have to face him again next week on the road. Tomorrow at Philly, Saturday at the Bell Centre vs. the Sabres.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

bleu blanc rouge et noir.

When he's been given the chance to play this season, the Habs 20-year-old defenseman PK Subban has looked like a possible future all-star. Even so, let's hope the above blackface tribute does not become a thing. (image via fourhabsfans)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Is there anything better than beating the fucking Bruins?

DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS? Five wins in a row after last night's—let's face it—lucky win. Thank you, Tuukka Rask. Habs are 6-1 since the break, but frankly ain't playing all that hot. Still, make the playoffs, get steamrolled by Washington or Pittsburgh, call it a season. About the best a realistic Montreal fan can hope for with this mediocre bunch. Except if Halak is unconscious. Next game: Tuesday, here in NYC vs. the Rangers.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Biggest win of the season.

I stopped checking in during Oscar® commercials in the third period; this game was fucking over. After a good win over the Kings the night before, the Habs looked dead tired and, well, dead. Brian Gionta had a goal in each game of the 2-1 Cali-swing. Despite having a pathetic -7 goal differential, Montreal somehow sits in 7th in the Eastern conference. Three reasons for that: Halak; PP; and shootouts. The Habs are dead last, 30th, in 5-on-5 play. Next game: tonight vs. Tampa Bay.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Who the FUCK was that team in the third period Tuesday night?

I mean, the Bruins looked helpless. Skating. Forechecking. Backchecking. GOING TO THE NET. All three of their non-empty net goals were the result of someone driving hard and purposely to the net. SHIT (here's the highlights). Well. Tonight, in San Jose, starts a three-game Cali swing which will put an end to this false hope that resides in my pummeled hockey heart. But. The Habs are almost completely healthy again (Only real missing cog is Cammalleri), and in 7th place with 18 games left. Maybe?

Monday, February 8, 2010

I was kidding about the cat turds, Bob.

Really, I was. As a player, Bob Gainey was invaluable. As a GM, he has been, uh, let me be kind—inconsistent. He resigned today, which maybe saved Jaro Halak. Sorry, Bobo, but the Scott Gomez trade will haunt and hinder this team for the next four years (unless Montreal can find a bigger sap). Now if only the clueless Jacques Martin would follow him out the door.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Habs send Boston to 9th straight loss? AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Jaro Halak AGAIN stole a game for Montreal, and AGAIN stopped a shitload of vulcanized rubber (48 saves, including 3 straight in the shootout); He's now 7-0 when facing 40+ shots this season. More importantly, the stupid asshole Bruins are two losses away from the longest streak in their history. The Habs are a playoff team! Next games, two at home: today vs. the Penguins, tomorrow again vs. Boston. So, probably two losses.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

If Bob Gainey unloads Jaroslav Halak at the trading deadline, I'll mail him a baggie of turds via Zippy The Pinhead (my cat).

In you case you missed it, he stopped 45 shots Tuesday against the Canucks (stopping their 7-game winning streak) and absolutely stole another win for the Habs. Next game: tonight @ Boston.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

My bad feelings about the Florida swing weren't nearly bad enough. God, it was a two-game orgy of shit-ass hockey by the Habs. No offense, giveaways, mediocre goaltending (at least by Price against Tampa Bay). I hate fucking Florida, stupidest state in the union, well except for maybe Texas. Montreal sure as shit ain't a playoff team now. They definitely miss Andrei Kostitsyn. Next game: today, Hockey Day in Canada, against the hot-as-fuck Senators. Loss? Loss.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


That's was fun Saturday night, wasn't it Ranger fans? Your "King" Henrik can't seem to stop a beach ball at the Bell Centre, eh? I just stopped laughing about that game. AnyClown, tonight vs. the Panthers begins the ol two-game swing through the Sunshine State, continuing tomorrow eve in Tampa Bay. Got a bad feeling about this trip, so gotta get the buffoonery in now.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Also: The Canadiens actually fucking beat a good team, and beat them at their own defensive game. Benoit Pouliot scored again. Jaro Halak was superb. Habs had lost six straight to the fucking Devils. Next Game: tonight, vs. the fucking Rangers.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Canadiens' SHIT weekend.

First, Saturday night at home, Carey Price let in two SHIT goals, and got completely outplayed by Ottawa rookie netminder Mike Brodeur. Then, Sunday here in NYC, the Habs, despite playing like SHIT, found themselves with a 2-0 lead after a period. They responded by getting outshot 15 to fucking 2 in the second stanza on the way to a blowout loss. With ten minutes left in the game, Montreal had a total of 12 SHITTY shots on goal. Two teams they needed to beat, two SHIT games. Nice big pile of SHIT of a weekend, brun, blanc, and rouge. Next game: tomorrow vs. the Blues. (pic: "Complex Shit," a big inflatable shitpile sculpture by Paul McCarthy via)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I like Benoit Pouliot.

Gui Latendresse may someday play big for somebody, but right now, I'm liking this trade with the Wild. The 6-3 Pouliot has 4G in his last six games, while showing good hands (see above) and a good playmaking head. Did the Habs finally get the better of a deal (remember and bleed with me: Langway, LeClair, Lemieux, Roy, Chelios, Gomez [jury's still out, but the contract alone is unforgivable])? Hopefully, he's not another Pacioretty or D'Agostini who both showed flashes last year, and who've both been wastes of ice space this season.
Meanwhile the team is beating all the teams they're supposed to beat, and losing to all the teams they're supposed to lose to. Which, if the trend doesn't change, means they'll be fighting for the 7th or 8th spot right to the wire. Without their PP and G Halak, they'd be 69-ing the Leafs (sic) in the cellar.
Two big games, today vs. the Sens and tomorrow at the Garden vs the Rangers (not going this year. here's pics from last January).

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Jacques Martin's large head must be ready to explode.

The coach who prides himself on defensive, disciplined hockey has watched his Habs give up 186 shots in the last four games, including 49 last night in a 3-2 OT win over the Leafs (sic). That's four wins in a row for them and their rubberized G Jaroslav Halak—the only reason Montreal (19-18-3) now sit 7th in the East. The Canadiens have turned their zone into a comfortable lounge, complete with La-Z-Boys, free wifi, and complimentary coffee and Danish. Luckily, their PP is at 25%, #1 in the league, and their PK is a strong 7th. This "winning" formula is very reminiscent of their squad a couple of years ago that was consistently dominated at even strength, but won games because of specialty teams and goaltending. Except: this team is getting outplayed even worse. There's no way Halak can keep up this level of unconsciousness, and they're not the Oilers of the 80s; they don't have enough offense to keep succeeding this way. Next game on this 7-game road trip: tomorrow against the injury-depleted Senators, so a fifth straight win is very possible.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Two in a row, BAYBEE. Who cares if the Habs have been outplayed in both wins over the awful Islanders and average Thrashers. Who cares that the only reason they won both games is because Jaroslav Halak—who's probably being showcased for a trade—stopped 87 of 90 shots. (I do care what they get for him, Bobo Gainey. Let's make it more than a fucking second round pick this time. Actually, maybe trade Carey Price instead.) Who cares if the Canadiens continue to take idiotic, undisciplined penalties. Who cares if they're a one line team, with Andrei AK46 Kostitsyn amazingly, inexplicably, finally playing like an actual power forward (that's mostly due to the continuing superb playmaking of C Tomas Plekanec). Who cares if they're still under .500 (17-18-3) and out of the playoffs. Who cares if there's five more games left on this seven game road trip. Andrei Markov is back, and they're 3-0 with him in the lineup—Go Habs Go! (sigh). Next game: tomorrow at Carolina...three in a row?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Leafs (sic) 3, Canadiens 0.

Last night, Montreal (12-13-2) was blanked by one of the very worst defensive teams in the league, at home. While the Habs blogs wearing rose-colored glasses point to the injuries, I again point to the off-season moves, every one of which was a monumental mistake (Yes, I said this at the time). Because, besides Andrei Markov, none of the sidelined players is Doug Harvey or Maurice Richard or even Pierre Mondou. As I said in October, this is solidly a .500 hockey team. G Carey Price, who's played quite well recently, can't cover the opposing forwards skating freely in his zone, or backcheck, or hit somebody, or complete a headman pass or FINISH. Next game: tomorrow at Buffalo, followed by Boston at home on Friday. I don't see a win.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Predators fire 55 Hellfire missiles at Carey Price.

Wow. Saturday, the hard-working Nashville Predators, who will never be mistaken for a team with any offensive talent, outshot the Habs 55-20 en route to a 2-0 win. I'd like to say G Price was a bright spot. But...while he did play well, both goals by Steve Sullivan were the result of silver platter gift-wrapped rebounds. So? 9-11 after 20 games. Next game: tomorrow night vs. the worst team in the NHL, the Carolina Hurricanes. Maybe the Canadiens will actually outskate, outwork, out-anything somebody? Maybe not.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Canadiens fans are f*cking idiots.

Luckily, both Mike Cammalleri and Scott Gomez followed the scouting report and beat Leafs' (sic) goalie Vesa Toskala high glove-side in the shootout to rescue the too-early serenading buffoons. So, this unremarkable, uninteresting Habs team sits unremarkably at 7-7, right where they should be. This is an incredibly boring team to watch; therefore, because of that, and because I'm busy as fuck at my ad job, I will from here on out only be updating this blog when major develops surface. Go. Habs. Gozzzzzz (yes, I'll still be watching most nights, video via Puck Daddy).

Friday, October 30, 2009

Penguins 6, Canadiens 1.

And, it wasn't that close Wednesday night. Sid the whiny Kid registered a hat trick. The Habs (6-6) are not Stanley Cup contenders. Next game: tonight! At Chicago. Carey Price back in net (image via).

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Impress me Habs, beat the champs.

Montreal (6-5) won their fourth straight Monday vs. the Islanders, thanks to another end-to-end OT rush, this time by Tomas Plekanec (above). His flip pass to Roman Hamrlik was a Renaissance painting; it was a perfect Czech-to-Czech checkmate ending to an otherwise unremarkable game. But these are the games the Habs must win to make the playoffs. Jaroslav Halak will get his fifth straight start in net tonight at Pittsburgh, and I think he's gonna have to steal this one for the Canadiens to get a W.