Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Canadiens 2, Lightning 1, SO.

Playing their 3rd game in four nights, and looking like they were playing their 3rd game in one night, The Habs (21-9-6) still managed to barely skate to an ugly, stupid skills competition win. But until Gui Latendresse scored a rebound goal in the first minute of the third period to tie it, it looked like the Canadiens were going to lose to arguably the worst team in the league for the 2nd time in three weeks. In the shootout, Alex Kovalev scored on his usual backhand move, and then current team MVP Max Lapierre buried a top shelf forehand that ended up winning it. G Carey Price was solidly solid, per usual. So, four points in Florida: something that has pretty much never happened, and used to be a yearly zero- or one-point trip. Notes: Montreal 3-0 on road trip, 5-0-1 in last six...Hulking Lightning forward Evgeny Artyukhin tried to check Alex Tanguay into the Gulf of Mexico, breaking a pane of glass in the process. Tanguay didn't return to action and was scheduled for an upper body MRI today...Though he gave up about a thousand pounds, brave Tom Kostopoulos instigated a fight with Artyukhin later in the first period, and got summarily pounded...Next game: Friday @ the boring, trapping hated Devils...I'm off to see Slumdog Millionaire with my lovely girlfriend...("A55 RGY" license plate via. You stay classy, Sunshine State.)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Canadiens 5, Panthers 2.

(pictured: "one of New York's finest entertainers," Max the Magician.)
Max Lapierre (7Gs), displaying the right-handed scoring touch of a flowing-locks Lafleur, pulled a natural hat trick out of his ass to power the Habs (20-9-6). With the game tied at 2 in the second period, Lapierre calmly roofed a bad-angle backhand over surprise starting Panther G Craig Anderson (#1 Florida netminder Tomas Vokoun has often stood on his balding Czech head vs. Montreal). Then, early in the third he calmly fired an off-wing wrister by Anderson. He also slid in an unassisted empty-netter. The newly un-undead (update: or is that un-un-undead? Logic professors, please confirm.) Tomas Plekanec (7Gs) added an electric shorthanded breakaway tally. Both Panther goals were the result of Hab mistakes: First, Michael Frolik caught G Carey Price cheating on a 2-on-1; their second goal, by David Booth (15Gs), came as a result of an idiotic giveaway by Sergei Kostitsyn. Notes: Montreal 4-0-1 in last five...D Josh Gorges got a lot of PP time—which he isn't quite ready for...About 2/3s of the fans in the Sunrise stands were Habs fans. "If we can have crowds like that every weekend (it was a Monday night, dude), I don't care who they're cheering for," lied Panther coach Pete DeBoer....Next game: tonight! @ the hated (OK, not really) Lightning...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Live blogging the Canadiens/Penguins while listening to the dim-witted Murray Wilson and Rick Moffat on CJAD on my laptop at my parents' house.

Now-healed Andrei Kostitsyn bangs it in from the playmaking center formerly known as Tomas Plekanec (Pleks's first point in TEN games).
Penguins tie it with a cheap bounce off the end boards and off G Carey Price...goal to Pascal Dupuis (born in Laval).
AK46 again! Again from Pleks! With 1.6 seconds left in the period! "Tape-to-tape" according to the cliché-spouting Wilson.
END OF PERIOD. Habs, 2-1.
Crosby ties it. Jerkface.
...and the Habs' offense completely vanishes in the second period.
Hat Trick (his first!) for Kostitsyn! BLOWS it by G Marc-André Fluery...
Max Lapierre shorthanded breakaway...doesn't score...of course not...the hustler has hands of stone (my contribution to the Murray Wilson cliché spew stream).
Josh Gorges trips Crosby, another Penguin PP. Uh. Oh.
Tanguay, high-sticking, with 3 minutes left. SHIT.
Price robs Malkin! Apparently! (and again!)
Pens 0-5 on the PP! Fluery is pulled with :55 remaining.
HABS WIN, 3-2! Montreal (19-9-6) outshot 17-5 in the third period. Price came up big 5 or 6 times. Fuck you, cry-baby Sidney Crosby, who has taken the league's biggest whiner-to-refs torch, passed on from Wayne Gretzky...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

X-Mas eve eve Rubber Bullet Points.

It's the Canadiens' official Christmas card. How preciously pathetic.
The worst hockey column headline of the holiday season, maybe ever: O little town of Bettmanhem...
Beau-Brummell coach Carbonneau says his team is "right where we want to be." If that's "heading towards watching the late playoff rounds on TV," then he is astutely correct.
Injury-prone Gaborik for lazy-prone Kovalchuk?
MYFO's guide to the worst of's Winter Classic gift guide.
The Great One's Twitter is a fake. No, he's waiting for the Whiner app. (via)
The NJ Devils name their favorite holiday songs. Bobby Holik: "Music means nothing to me." (via)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Hurricanes 3, Canadiens 2, OT.

Asshole Tuomo Ruutu, youngest of the asshole Ruutu brothers, jammed in the game winner as a somewhat rusty, leaky Carey Price let an Eric Staahl wrist shot leak between his rusty pads. Robert Lang's PP one-timer got the Habs (18-9-6) a tie and a point with seven minutes left in the third period. But yet again, another team's group of forwards out-skated Montreal's. Other than Saku Koivu (who is of course hurt), Tom Kostopoulos, maybe Max Lapierre, and rookie Matt D'Agostini (6Gs now in 11 games), no other Canadien forwards have showed up for every game. And if you can't show up after putting on the C-H, then you don't deserve to wear it. Carolina has now won 12 of the last 15 vs. the Habs. Next game: Saturday @ Pittsburgh.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Canadiens 4, Sabres 3, OT.

"You're going to have to show me where Jochen is holding somebody," whined Buffalo coach Lindy Ruff post-game about Jochen Hecht's blatant interference penalty on Alex Kovalev that led to AK's game-winning PP laser wrister with :25 left in OT—it was Montreal's first OT win of the season. Why don't you shut your ugly face you whiny little girl coach with a female-like first name? The big victory moved the Habs (18-9-5) five points ahead of Buffalo in the Northeast division. Kovalev had eight SOGs and now has goals in three straight, and I pray to Lord Stanley that he has finally de-fogged himself. Notes: Shut-up Ruff. Sergei Kostitsyn had 2Gs and was the game's first star. Next game: in four hours! vs. the stupid, hated Hurricanes. Carey Price back in net.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Canadiens 5, Flyers 2.

Holy shit, what the Hell happened to the hapless Habs (17-9-5) of the last three games? The forwards were driving to the net in droves...perfect, flying Frenchmen-like headman passes by Max Lapierre and Steve Begin(?) setup clean breakaway goals by Matt D'Agostini (5Gs) and Alexei Kovalev (2-game goal-scoring streak!), respectively...the PP potted a pair...Everybody was hitting filthy Flyers left and right...Shit, dapper coach Carbonneau...did you personally shoot B-vitamins into the asses of every player during the pre-game meeting? Notes: Of COURSE ex-Hab Arron Asham scored for Philly...One major complaint—G Jaro Halak was giving up big rebounds like his equipment was rubberized...Next game: tomorrow vs Buffalo.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Gameday Rubber Bullet Points.

Ulfie Samuelsson blogs that he once tried to electrocute Rick Tocchet.
Canadiens sign time-traveling Jacques Plante (right) to play goal tonight.
Olde tyme Leafs/Hawks hockey.
Marian Gaborik's groin a gangsta(?).
Semin on woman. (as an aside, he has the best wrist shot in the NHL).
Mike Komisarek may be in the lineup tonight.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Montreal Canadiens right winger Alexei Kovalev shoots vulcanized rubber disk into a 4'x6' framed net during an NHL game resulting in an official goal.

And what an artistic goal it was—a shorthanded one-timer off the post off a perfect faceoff win by C Robert Lang. Forget the fact that the Habs lost the game to Carolina, 3-2. Or that the Hurricanes were 3 for ELEVEN on the powerplay as Montreal spent more than a third of the game shorthanded. Or that the Habs (16-9-5) had exactly ONE (1) PP opportunity. Or that this was as blatant a case of anti-Canadien (or anti-Canadian, if you will) refereeing as you'll ever see. No. All that matters is that the talented, beautiful Alex Kovalev ended his 6-week scoreless slumber. NOW, the TEAR starts. Notes: ex-useless-Hab Sergei Samsonov had two assists...When Andrei Markov's batted-in goal was officially disallowed, the 'Canes gave their goal horn a short blast. You stay classy, Raleigh. Next game: tomorrow vs. the very badly hated Flyers.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Capitals 2, Canadiens 1.

After hitting the post late in the game Saturday night from about ten feet out whilst facing a half-empty net, Alex Kovalev's goalless streak is at nineteen (19) games. We're well beyond snake-bitten here. Meanwhile, Patrice Brisebois has gone two games without not scoring a goal. I think if you replaced the opposing goalie with a smallish pile of cow shit, Montreal's so-called snipers would at this point all bury the biscuit in the manure. The Habs (16-8-5) powerplay was 0-fer fucking-8 against Washington, and honestly, they didn't have one good scoring chance with the man-advantage. Subbing for the flu-ey Carey Price, Jaro Halak played a solid game in net. But two goals is about two too many to give up these days. Notes: winger Chris Higgins (shoulder) is out five weeks, Saku Koivu (foot/ankle) at least two weeks...D Ryan O'Burnnn continues to skate like me out there (Gainey—HELP!)...Next game: tomorrow @ Carolina.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Saturday morning rubber bullet points.

The Capitals dressed their Website producer as backup goalie last night. Maybe he'll start against the Habs tonight? (fingers crossed)
Habs players have always scored the sweetest endorsement deals.
Jaro Halak blogs a post for 4HFs.
Sundin to the Rangers this weekend?
Mike Bossy had pretty, permed hair.
What the Winter Classic at Wrigley Field will look like, probably minus the snow.
Lastly, a fan makes a Stanley Cup out of 16 decks of playing cards and tape and some other stuff and this just made me feel a little queasy (via).

Friday, December 12, 2008

Lightning 3, Canadiens 1.

The Habs (16-7-5) got outplayed, outskated, out-goaltended, out-coached, out-everythinged last night versus the worst team in the league that had lost nine straight. Tampa's two French Canadian superstars were on ice for about half the fucking game and scored all their goals (St. Louis 2, Lecavalier 1). Montreal's blueliners moved like they were wearing 50-year-old skates. AND...Cap Sak Koivu suffered a dreaded "lower body injury." I spent the game drinking cold, cold Russian vodka. Za Vas, brothers Kovalev and Markov! Next game: tomorrow vs. Washington (revenge time, Habs!) (pictured: a man, not Hab G Jaro Halak, struck by lightning, via.)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Canadiens 4, Flames 1.

Though the Flames spent large, extended periods of time in the Habs (16-6-5) zone in all three periods, a combination of inept offensive play and excellent goaltending by rust-free Jaroslav Halak meant a comfortable Montreal win. A new Lang (2 Gs) Kovalev Tanguay line put up seven points, and rook Matt D' Agostini's 4th goal in four games was an unassisted breakaway of beauty (video). Notes: Habs now 4-0-1 on the homestand...After an 0-3 night, the Canadiens' "power"play stretch now at 5-63...Mat Dandenault, who was playing some dandy D, suffered a broken arm, which probably means a return of O'Burnnnnn (O'No)...Next game: tomorrow vs. Tampa Bad...(honestly, an image of a stovetop burner would make a better Calgary logo than the current ugly flaming 'C')

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Your during-the-game Rubber Bullet Points.

Many, many, many words against the shootout. Short version: it's not hockey (true).
B.U. won the weekend battle of Beantown over B.C.
Barry Melrose and his mullet are not the least bit bitter about being shitcanned.
Ranger fans serenaded Dion Phaneuf with "sloppy seconds" chants (via).
Montreal fans are na-na-na-ing with over 5 minutes left in the game. Idiots.
Habs win 4-1 (report tomorrow)! Fuck you Mike Kennan!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Devils 2, Canadiens 1, OT.

A day late, and I'm busy as shit at work...but the Habs (15-6-5) deserved to lose in regulation to the stupid, boring, trapping, stupid Devils. They were 0-5 on the PP (5-60 now), and if it wasn't for Matt D'Agostini's (3 Gs in 4 games) 1st period rebound gift goal, Montreal would have been shutout by some goalie not named Brodeur (who had played 41 straight games against the Canadiens). Next game: tomorrow against the Flames. (click for actual 100% authenticated photo of the Jersey Devil, via. My counselors used to scare the fucking shit out of us little ones with JD stories at kiddie camp in the NJ pine barrens.)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

pre-game Rubber Bullet Points.

confusing X-Mas ornament: a penguin in a Red Wings jersey.
NHL TV ratings are up in most markets, and waaay up in some (via).
Sean Avery's days as a Dallas Star may be over.
Don't cry for Lover Boy, though. He's got stuff to do: like work on the development of his movie.
...and sit at home and stare at his Philip Starck machine gun lamp (right). "It let's you know there's a man in the house."

Friday, December 5, 2008

Canadiens 6, Rangers 2.

(Haha cutie, your precious Gotham icemen got steamrolled! BooHoo!!!)
I only caught the third period of last night's seeming Total Team Effort. And honestly, after I found out that the Habs (15-6-4) 4-2 lead had once been 4-zip, I was feeling a bit queasy. But Robert Lang's tap-in goal in the first minute of the third—set up by two beautiful passes by Kovalev And Markov—eased my nerves...three in a row, baby! And look at that score sheet! SIX even strength goals. 39-20 shot advantage. Josh Gorges +4. Team effort indeed. And how 'bout D'Agostini's twisted wrister?!? That'll teach you, "King Henrik," to sit back in your net like a lazy pretty king. I think the Habs should now wear those unwashed throw-back uni's every game until they lose again. Next game: tomorrow vs. the evil Jersey Devil(s). (image via)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Canadiens 5, Thrashers 4.

Last night, a 3-0 third period lead became a 3-3 tie faster than shit through a brown thrasher, as the Habs (14-6-4) really, really tried to give crappy Atlanta two points. But Andrei Kostitsyn (1G, 2A) and Thrasher D Tobias Enstrom's leg came to the rescue. Poor Alex Kovalev appeared to have backhanded in his first goal in a month into an empty net only to have Robert Lang (not) get a piece of it. Notes: Lang looked pretty damn good on the PP point, yes?...Little Matt D'Agostini scored his first NHL goal by simply going to the fucking net...Tomas Plekanec scored! He's well on his way to ten for the season...Next game: tomorrow vs. the hated Rangers...You know, I always thought "Flames" was a less-than-becoming nickname for the original Atlanta hockey club. I mean why would you purposely pick a name that paid tribute to General Tecumseh Sherman's historic little scorched earth march? Wonder how many thrashers died?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Rubber Bullet Points, 12/2/08.

Now George Laraque is blogging. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about that fine tough gentleman.
The Post's Ranger beat writer Larry Brooks—the only hockey writer in the New York area worth an occasional read—calls for an end to fighting. Nice thought. Not bloody likely. (bloody Roy via)
Red Wings—Blackhawks, New Year's Day, Wrigley Field. This is going to be pretty fucking cool.
Ilya Kovalchuk skating on the checking line tonight in Montreal? Kovalchuk. Checking. That's rich (via).