I was kidding about the cat turds, Bob.

Really, I was. As a player, Bob Gainey was invaluable. As a GM, he has been, uh, let me be kind—inconsistent. He resigned today, which maybe saved Jaro Halak. Sorry, Bobo, but the Scott Gomez trade will haunt and hinder this team for the next four years (unless Montreal can find a bigger sap). Now if only the clueless Jacques Martin would follow him out the door.

Habs send Boston to 9th straight loss? AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Jaro Halak AGAIN stole a game for Montreal, and AGAIN stopped a shitload of vulcanized rubber (48 saves, including 3 straight in the shootout); He's now 7-0 when facing 40+ shots this season. More importantly, the stupid asshole Bruins are two losses away from the longest streak in their history. The Habs are a playoff team! Next games, two at home: today vs. the Penguins, tomorrow again vs. Boston. So, probably two losses.

If Bob Gainey unloads Jaroslav Halak at the trading deadline, I'll mail him a baggie of turds via Zippy The Pinhead (my cat).

In you case you missed it, he stopped 45 shots Tuesday against the Canucks (stopping their 7-game winning streak) and absolutely stole another win for the Habs. Next game: tonight @ Boston.

My bad feelings about the Florida swing weren't nearly bad enough. God, it was a two-game orgy of shit-ass hockey by the Habs. No offense, giveaways, mediocre goaltending (at least by Price against Tampa Bay). I hate fucking Florida, stupidest state in the union, well except for maybe Texas. Montreal sure as shit ain't a playoff team now. They definitely miss Andrei Kostitsyn. Next game: today, Hockey Day in Canada, against the hot-as-fuck Senators. Loss? Loss.

6-0? AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

That's was fun Saturday night, wasn't it Ranger fans? Your "King" Henrik can't seem to stop a beach ball at the Bell Centre, eh? I just stopped laughing about that game. AnyClown, tonight vs. the Panthers begins the ol two-game swing through the Sunshine State, continuing tomorrow eve in Tampa Bay. Got a bad feeling about this trip, so gotta get the buffoonery in now.

Also: The Canadiens actually fucking beat a good team, and beat them at their own defensive game. Benoit Pouliot scored again. Jaro Halak was superb. Habs had lost six straight to the fucking Devils. Next Game: tonight, vs. the fucking Rangers.

Canadiens' SHIT weekend.

First, Saturday night at home, Carey Price let in two SHIT goals, and got completely outplayed by Ottawa rookie netminder Mike Brodeur. Then, Sunday here in NYC, the Habs, despite playing like SHIT, found themselves with a 2-0 lead after a period. They responded by getting outshot 15 to fucking 2 in the second stanza on the way to a blowout loss. With ten minutes left in the game, Montreal had a total of 12 SHITTY shots on goal. Two teams they needed to beat, two SHIT games. Nice big pile of SHIT of a weekend, brun, blanc, and rouge. Next game: tomorrow vs. the Blues. (pic: "Complex Shit," a big inflatable shitpile sculpture by Paul McCarthy via)

I like Benoit Pouliot.

Gui Latendresse may someday play big for somebody, but right now, I'm liking this trade with the Wild. The 6-3 Pouliot has 4G in his last six games, while showing good hands (see above) and a good playmaking head. Did the Habs finally get the better of a deal (remember and bleed with me: Langway, LeClair, Lemieux, Roy, Chelios, Gomez [jury's still out, but the contract alone is unforgivable])? Hopefully, he's not another Pacioretty or D'Agostini who both showed flashes last year, and who've both been wastes of ice space this season.
Meanwhile the team is beating all the teams they're supposed to beat, and losing to all the teams they're supposed to lose to. Which, if the trend doesn't change, means they'll be fighting for the 7th or 8th spot right to the wire. Without their PP and G Halak, they'd be 69-ing the Leafs (sic) in the cellar.
Two big games, today vs. the Sens and tomorrow at the Garden vs the Rangers (not going this year. here's pics from last January).

Jacques Martin's large head must be ready to explode.

The coach who prides himself on defensive, disciplined hockey has watched his Habs give up 186 shots in the last four games, including 49 last night in a 3-2 OT win over the Leafs (sic). That's four wins in a row for them and their rubberized G Jaroslav Halak—the only reason Montreal (19-18-3) now sit 7th in the East. The Canadiens have turned their zone into a comfortable lounge, complete with La-Z-Boys, free wifi, and complimentary coffee and Danish. Luckily, their PP is at 25%, #1 in the league, and their PK is a strong 7th. This "winning" formula is very reminiscent of their squad a couple of years ago that was consistently dominated at even strength, but won games because of specialty teams and goaltending. Except: this team is getting outplayed even worse. There's no way Halak can keep up this level of unconsciousness, and they're not the Oilers of the 80s; they don't have enough offense to keep succeeding this way. Next game on this 7-game road trip: tomorrow against the injury-depleted Senators, so a fifth straight win is very possible.

WINNING STREAK!!!!!!!!!!

Two in a row, BAYBEE. Who cares if the Habs have been outplayed in both wins over the awful Islanders and average Thrashers. Who cares that the only reason they won both games is because Jaroslav Halak—who's probably being showcased for a trade—stopped 87 of 90 shots. (I do care what they get for him, Bobo Gainey. Let's make it more than a fucking second round pick this time. Actually, maybe trade Carey Price instead.) Who cares if the Canadiens continue to take idiotic, undisciplined penalties. Who cares if they're a one line team, with Andrei AK46 Kostitsyn amazingly, inexplicably, finally playing like an actual power forward (that's mostly due to the continuing superb playmaking of C Tomas Plekanec). Who cares if they're still under .500 (17-18-3) and out of the playoffs. Who cares if there's five more games left on this seven game road trip. Andrei Markov is back, and they're 3-0 with him in the lineup—Go Habs Go! (sigh). Next game: tomorrow at Carolina...three in a row?

Leafs (sic) 3, Canadiens 0.

Last night, Montreal (12-13-2) was blanked by one of the very worst defensive teams in the league, at home. While the Habs blogs wearing rose-colored glasses point to the injuries, I again point to the off-season moves, every one of which was a monumental mistake (Yes, I said this at the time). Because, besides Andrei Markov, none of the sidelined players is Doug Harvey or Maurice Richard or even Pierre Mondou. As I said in October, this is solidly a .500 hockey team. G Carey Price, who's played quite well recently, can't cover the opposing forwards skating freely in his zone, or backcheck, or hit somebody, or complete a headman pass or FINISH. Next game: tomorrow at Buffalo, followed by Boston at home on Friday. I don't see a win.

Predators fire 55 Hellfire missiles at Carey Price.

Wow. Saturday, the hard-working Nashville Predators, who will never be mistaken for a team with any offensive talent, outshot the Habs 55-20 en route to a 2-0 win. I'd like to say G Price was a bright spot. But...while he did play well, both goals by Steve Sullivan were the result of silver platter gift-wrapped rebounds. So? 9-11 after 20 games. Next game: tomorrow night vs. the worst team in the NHL, the Carolina Hurricanes. Maybe the Canadiens will actually outskate, outwork, out-anything somebody? Maybe not.

Canadiens fans are f*cking idiots.

Luckily, both Mike Cammalleri and Scott Gomez followed the scouting report and beat Leafs' (sic) goalie Vesa Toskala high glove-side in the shootout to rescue the too-early serenading buffoons. So, this unremarkable, uninteresting Habs team sits unremarkably at 7-7, right where they should be. This is an incredibly boring team to watch; therefore, because of that, and because I'm busy as fuck at my ad job, I will from here on out only be updating this blog when major develops surface. Go. Habs. Gozzzzzz (yes, I'll still be watching most nights, video via Puck Daddy).

Penguins 6, Canadiens 1.

And, it wasn't that close Wednesday night. Sid the whiny Kid registered a hat trick. The Habs (6-6) are not Stanley Cup contenders. Next game: tonight! At Chicago. Carey Price back in net (image via).

Impress me Habs, beat the champs.

Montreal (6-5) won their fourth straight Monday vs. the Islanders, thanks to another end-to-end OT rush, this time by Tomas Plekanec (above). His flip pass to Roman Hamrlik was a Renaissance painting; it was a perfect Czech-to-Czech checkmate ending to an otherwise unremarkable game. But these are the games the Habs must win to make the playoffs. Jaroslav Halak will get his fifth straight start in net tonight at Pittsburgh, and I think he's gonna have to steal this one for the Canadiens to get a W.

Canadiens 5, Rangers 4, OT.

(Sorry for the late update, work's busy) Forget that the Habs destroyed the Islanders 5-1 last Thursday; that win was meaningless. What was meaningful about it was that it may have jump-started their undersized, overpaid offense. Because Saturday night's home win over the hated Rangers was Montreal's first flash of inspiring hockey. They outskated the Blueshirts, coming back from 3-1 and 4-2 deficits. The Habs (5-5) continued their recent mastery over little Henrik Lundqvist as little Mike $6 million Cammalleri lit him up like the Northern Lights with a four-point hat-trick evening—including the unassisted end-to-end OT game-winner. Next Game: tonight vs. the Islanders, again, at home, thanks to the screwy Olympics year schedule.

Canadiens 2, Thrashers 1, SO.

Tuesday, The Habs ended their five-game losing streak by beating a team playing their fifth game of a five-game road trip, and did it by filling the net with exactly one puck (Brain Gionta's 4th, Montreal's only quasi-finisher) during competitive play. Color me blasé. Next game: tonight vs. the terrible New York Islanders. (pic: Getty Images, search for "unimpressed")

Senators 3, Canadiens 1.

All three Ottawa goals, including the beautiful coup de grâce by Alex Kovalev, were buried by finishers. The Habs are finisher-less (and Finnisher-less—miss you Saku). So: five losses in a row. I ain't got shit else to say about this shit-awful team. Next game: Tuesday vs Atlanta. OK, I have to say this: Scott $7 million Gomez. Why, Bob Gainey, WHY? (pic of sexy finisher Kovalev working out via)

Avalanche 3, Canadiens 2.

(click image) Thursday evening, Carey Price unveiled his new mask for the Habs home opener; it features the Grim Reaper riding a chopper and skulls and aces of spades and looks pretty fucking idiotic. And, judging by the first two Colorado lucky-bounce goals, his headgear may be cursed. Montreal finally clearly outplayed somebody, and probably deserved to win, or at least deserved a point. But as Clint Eastwood told Gene Hackman before blowing his brains out in Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it." Because the Habs own-zone play on the late third period game-winner—18-year-old Ryan O'Reilly's first NHL goal—was embarrassing. That's four losses in a row, and this team's make-up makes me want to puke. Next game: tonight vs. Alex Kovalev and the Senators.

0-3 Western Canadian Swing.

I only saw the 4-3 Calgary loss Tuesday as I am traveling and away from my NHL Center Ice. But judging by the highlights and recaps of the 7-1 drubbing executed by Vancouver, there wasn't much to analyze about the Habs giant turd-like effort. Last night, the Canadiens finally put some rubber on a goalie at Edmonton, but the 'bulin Wall (what a fucking stupid nickname) apparently did what the Habs Jaro Halak and Carey Price didn't do on the swing, that being make some tough saves. Brian Gionta ripped home his third goal, and continues to be about the only Hab worth a shit so far this season. So: 0-3 against three teams nobody will mistake for Cup contenders. My .500 season prediction may be a bit optimistic. Next game: home opener Thursday vs. Colorado ("Three Swings" acrylic above can be yours for $825).