Penguins 6, Canadiens 1.

And, it wasn't that close Wednesday night. Sid the whiny Kid registered a hat trick. The Habs (6-6) are not Stanley Cup contenders. Next game: tonight! At Chicago. Carey Price back in net (image via).

Impress me Habs, beat the champs.

Montreal (6-5) won their fourth straight Monday vs. the Islanders, thanks to another end-to-end OT rush, this time by Tomas Plekanec (above). His flip pass to Roman Hamrlik was a Renaissance painting; it was a perfect Czech-to-Czech checkmate ending to an otherwise unremarkable game. But these are the games the Habs must win to make the playoffs. Jaroslav Halak will get his fifth straight start in net tonight at Pittsburgh, and I think he's gonna have to steal this one for the Canadiens to get a W.

Canadiens 5, Rangers 4, OT.

(Sorry for the late update, work's busy) Forget that the Habs destroyed the Islanders 5-1 last Thursday; that win was meaningless. What was meaningful about it was that it may have jump-started their undersized, overpaid offense. Because Saturday night's home win over the hated Rangers was Montreal's first flash of inspiring hockey. They outskated the Blueshirts, coming back from 3-1 and 4-2 deficits. The Habs (5-5) continued their recent mastery over little Henrik Lundqvist as little Mike $6 million Cammalleri lit him up like the Northern Lights with a four-point hat-trick evening—including the unassisted end-to-end OT game-winner. Next Game: tonight vs. the Islanders, again, at home, thanks to the screwy Olympics year schedule.

Canadiens 2, Thrashers 1, SO.

Tuesday, The Habs ended their five-game losing streak by beating a team playing their fifth game of a five-game road trip, and did it by filling the net with exactly one puck (Brain Gionta's 4th, Montreal's only quasi-finisher) during competitive play. Color me blasé. Next game: tonight vs. the terrible New York Islanders. (pic: Getty Images, search for "unimpressed")

Senators 3, Canadiens 1.

All three Ottawa goals, including the beautiful coup de grâce by Alex Kovalev, were buried by finishers. The Habs are finisher-less (and Finnisher-less—miss you Saku). So: five losses in a row. I ain't got shit else to say about this shit-awful team. Next game: Tuesday vs Atlanta. OK, I have to say this: Scott $7 million Gomez. Why, Bob Gainey, WHY? (pic of sexy finisher Kovalev working out via)

Avalanche 3, Canadiens 2.

(click image) Thursday evening, Carey Price unveiled his new mask for the Habs home opener; it features the Grim Reaper riding a chopper and skulls and aces of spades and looks pretty fucking idiotic. And, judging by the first two Colorado lucky-bounce goals, his headgear may be cursed. Montreal finally clearly outplayed somebody, and probably deserved to win, or at least deserved a point. But as Clint Eastwood told Gene Hackman before blowing his brains out in Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it." Because the Habs own-zone play on the late third period game-winner—18-year-old Ryan O'Reilly's first NHL goal—was embarrassing. That's four losses in a row, and this team's make-up makes me want to puke. Next game: tonight vs. Alex Kovalev and the Senators.

0-3 Western Canadian Swing.

I only saw the 4-3 Calgary loss Tuesday as I am traveling and away from my NHL Center Ice. But judging by the highlights and recaps of the 7-1 drubbing executed by Vancouver, there wasn't much to analyze about the Habs giant turd-like effort. Last night, the Canadiens finally put some rubber on a goalie at Edmonton, but the 'bulin Wall (what a fucking stupid nickname) apparently did what the Habs Jaro Halak and Carey Price didn't do on the swing, that being make some tough saves. Brian Gionta ripped home his third goal, and continues to be about the only Hab worth a shit so far this season. So: 0-3 against three teams nobody will mistake for Cup contenders. My .500 season prediction may be a bit optimistic. Next game: home opener Thursday vs. Colorado ("Three Swings" acrylic above can be yours for $825).

Canadiens 2, Sabres 1, OT.

So, I'm warming up to peewee Brian Gionta, especially after this beautiful street hockey batted-in game-winning goal against Buffalo Saturday night. Maybe the Habs will get four-years-ago BG. I'm not, however, fooled by the 2-0-0 start. Montreal has been seriously outplayed in both tilts, saved only by Carey Price's solid (fingers crossed) goaltending. The Sabres completely shutdown the Markov-less Habs, limiting them to 15 mostly harmless shots. Now a test: the dreaded three-city western Canada swing starting tomorrow night in Calgary.

Leafs (sic) coach Ron Wilson sums up Habs.

Habs Inside Out found some TV screen caps from Wilson's Thursday night cheatsheet. Sorry, Ronnie, but little Mike Camalleri (sic) left "big slow" Luke Schenn "behind" on Josh Gorges winning OT goal. Blown "Big Blue" assignment, yes? Building always begins in the cellar, right? You should start a wine collection.

Canadiens 4, Leafs (sic) 3, OT.

I was wrong! The Habs, thanks to G Carey Price and a shaky Vesa Toskala, and Leaf D Mike Komisarek spending 15 minutes in the box (nice game, dickhead), managed to squeeze out an undeserved win (outshot 46-27) against arguably the worst team in the league. Gionta (1G), Moen (1G), Cammalleri (2A), Metropolit (1G, 1A) and Gorges (1G, 1A) looked good, $7-mil man Gomez not so good, Gill (as in fish) inept. All of this is moot, because of THIS. Jesus. Next game: tomorrow @ Buffalo (image: flickr).

Your truncated Habs 2009-2010 preview.

Great off-season! GM Bob Gainey signed three truncated forwards all under five-feet tall (that's Scott Gomez and Brian Gionta above in a recent practice on a 2-on-none drill against some local Montreal pee-wee goalie.). And he signed three new defensemen, two of whom are as slow as fucking sloths. So: instead of addressing what has been their #1 need for years—a BIG finishing forward—Gainey brings in overpaid gnats. FUCKING SPLENDID. SI picks the Habs 8th in the conference, ESPN Mag predicts 5th (crackheads). Tonight the season of .500 starts: @ Toronto. Loss number one (image: flickr).