Habs Fan In NYC

No NHL Center Ice means no blogging.

2010-12-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

I can't blog if I can't watch. Instead, I'm listening to the terrible play-by-play calls of CJAD's Rick Moffat and the even terrible-er monochromatic commentary of ex-Hab and 1986 ring bearer (though he DNP in the playoffs) Sergio Monotone Momesso (above) on my MacBook. If I buy the second half NHL TV package, I'll resume blogging.
My take on the season so far (I've only watched four games)? Price, amazingly solid, O, adequate, D, surprisingly pretty good—but without Markov or somebody else significant by trade, not good enough for the playoffs. Tomas Plekanec has become a superb two-way player—which frankly shocks me (I was an early, heavy detractor.). The Habs impressive record to this point is mostly due to The East being even weaker than usual. My girlfriend looks at me listening to a hockey team on a laptop, and just smiles at how stupid that is. GO HABS GO!

Suck it, Flyers fans.

2010-06-10T15:00:00.005-04:00

"Unfinished Business" t-shirts? Really? That's the best you could come up with?
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA!
And now you can wear 'em allll summer down at the Jersey shore, mooks.

2010-05-25T20:30:00.001-04:00

NOT DEAD YET!

2010-05-21T11:20:00.001-04:00

Those first two games? Flesh wounds! And Flyer goalie Michael Leighton's shutout streak, formally 172:05, is now :31. GO HABS GO! (seriously, I think Philly is still in charge in this series, and that Montreal's probable only chance is if Leighton falls apart.)

THE 16TH BEST PLAYOFF TEAM JUST SENT THE CHAMPS BACK HOME FOR A GAME FUCKING SEVEN.

2010-05-10T10:00:00.000-04:00

I can't watch game 7 tomorrow night...

2010-04-27T13:25:00.000-04:00

...I didn't watch game 5 Friday, because I was at my parents' Versus-less house. I didn't watch last night's amazing 53-save stoning of the Caps by the Bratislavanator because I was too afraid /busy. I also didn't watch the game 1 win. Washington has won all three games I have watched in this series. So. FUCK. I can't watch.

STILL ALIVE!

2010-04-25T18:00:00.003-04:00

But it ain't lookin' good! Can the Bratislavanator steal another one? I doubt it, especially at home. But ya never know. It ain't over til the fat lady is eaten. See you tomorrow night!

Ha-Ha-HABS!

2010-04-16T15:45:00.002-04:00

Three of Montreal's midget forwards scored, including big-mouth Tomas Plekanec in OT. He's now firmly in Cap goalie Jose Theodore's ex-Hab head. And, if they can continue to hold Ovechkin to ZERO shots on goal the rest of the way, well they might just win this series. See you Saturday, Jose!

HABS MAKE PLAYOFFS!

2010-04-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

HaBlock. HaLock. Forget it.

2010-04-04T10:50:00.000-04:00

I can't think of a good nickname for Jaroslav Halak, The Only Reason The Habs Are Most Likely Making The Playoffs This Year. (There, how bout that one? It's a little lengthy.) 24 hours. 120 minutes. 0 goals. 2 huge wins. Friday at Philly, he was Epic. Five shutouts on the season, now. Carey Price, you sit there and sulk on the bench all you want, pretty boy. Jaro's flopping, ugly, Dominator Dominik Hasek style is hard to watch, and hard to put a puck past. Next game: Tuesday @ the Islanders.

Cam Ward may kill the Habs season.

2010-04-01T20:30:00.003-04:00

He stone cold stole two points from Montreal last night. He's now, like, 10-3 against them lifetime. They're two points ahead of ninth place Atlanta. And the Habs have to face him again next week on the road. Tomorrow at Philly, Saturday at the Bell Centre vs. the Sabres.

UNEASY.

bleu blanc rouge et noir.

2010-03-16T14:00:00.000-04:00

When he's been given the chance to play this season, the Habs 20-year-old defenseman PK Subban has looked like a possible future all-star. Even so, let's hope the above blackface tribute does not become a thing. (image via fourhabsfans)

Is there anything better than beating the fucking Bruins?

2010-03-14T16:00:00.001-04:00

DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS? Five wins in a row after last night's—let's face it—lucky win. Thank you, Tuukka Rask. Habs are 6-1 since the break, but frankly ain't playing all that hot. Still, make the playoffs, get steamrolled by Washington or Pittsburgh, call it a season. About the best a realistic Montreal fan can hope for with this mediocre bunch. Except if Halak is unconscious. Next game: Tuesday, here in NYC vs. the Rangers.

Biggest win of the season.

2010-03-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

I stopped checking in during Oscar® commercials in the third period; this game was fucking over. After a good win over the Kings the night before, the Habs looked dead tired and, well, dead. Brian Gionta had a goal in each game of the 2-1 Cali-swing. Despite having a pathetic -7 goal differential, Montreal somehow sits in 7th in the Eastern conference. Three reasons for that: Halak; PP; and shootouts. The Habs are dead last, 30th, in 5-on-5 play. Next game: tonight vs. Tampa Bay.

Who the FUCK was that team in the third period Tuesday night?

2010-03-04T17:25:00.001-05:00

I mean, the Bruins looked helpless. Skating. Forechecking. Backchecking. GOING TO THE NET. All three of their non-empty net goals were the result of someone driving hard and purposely to the net. SHIT (here's the highlights). Well. Tonight, in San Jose, starts a three-game Cali swing which will put an end to this false hope that resides in my pummeled hockey heart. But. The Habs are almost completely healthy again (Only real missing cog is Cammalleri), and in 7th place with 18 games left. Maybe?

I was kidding about the cat turds, Bob.

2010-02-08T17:50:00.000-05:00

Really, I was. As a player, Bob Gainey was invaluable. As a GM, he has been, uh, let me be kind—inconsistent. He resigned today, which maybe saved Jaro Halak. Sorry, Bobo, but the Scott Gomez trade will haunt and hinder this team for the next four years (unless Montreal can find a bigger sap). Now if only the clueless Jacques Martin would follow him out the door.

Habs send Boston to 9th straight loss? AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-06T12:25:00.001-05:00

Jaro Halak AGAIN stole a game for Montreal, and AGAIN stopped a shitload of vulcanized rubber (48 saves, including 3 straight in the shootout); He's now 7-0 when facing 40+ shots this season. More importantly, the stupid asshole Bruins are two losses away from the longest streak in their history. The Habs are a playoff team! Next games, two at home: today vs. the Penguins, tomorrow again vs. Boston. So, probably two losses.

If Bob Gainey unloads Jaroslav Halak at the trading deadline, I'll mail him a baggie of turds via Zippy The Pinhead (my cat).

2010-02-04T15:40:00.000-05:00

In you case you missed it, he stopped 45 shots Tuesday against the Canucks (stopping their 7-game winning streak) and absolutely stole another win for the Habs. Next game: tonight @ Boston.

2010-01-30T10:30:00.001-05:00

My bad feelings about the Florida swing weren't nearly bad enough. God, it was a two-game orgy of shit-ass hockey by the Habs. No offense, giveaways, mediocre goaltending (at least by Price against Tampa Bay). I hate fucking Florida, stupidest state in the union, well except for maybe Texas. Montreal sure as shit ain't a playoff team now. They definitely miss Andrei Kostitsyn. Next game: today, Hockey Day in Canada, against the hot-as-fuck Senators. Loss? Loss.

6-0? AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

2010-01-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

That's was fun Saturday night, wasn't it Ranger fans? Your "King" Henrik can't seem to stop a beach ball at the Bell Centre, eh? I just stopped laughing about that game. AnyClown, tonight vs. the Panthers begins the ol two-game swing through the Sunshine State, continuing tomorrow eve in Tampa Bay. Got a bad feeling about this trip, so gotta get the buffoonery in now.

2010-01-23T16:50:00.001-05:00

Also: The Canadiens actually fucking beat a good team, and beat them at their own defensive game. Benoit Pouliot scored again. Jaro Halak was superb. Habs had lost six straight to the fucking Devils. Next Game: tonight, vs. the fucking Rangers.

Canadiens' SHIT weekend.

2010-01-19T20:30:00.001-05:00

First, Saturday night at home, Carey Price let in two SHIT goals, and got completely outplayed by Ottawa rookie netminder Mike Brodeur. Then, Sunday here in NYC, the Habs, despite playing like SHIT, found themselves with a 2-0 lead after a period. They responded by getting outshot 15 to fucking 2 in the second stanza on the way to a blowout loss. With ten minutes left in the game, Montreal had a total of 12 SHITTY shots on goal. Two teams they needed to beat, two SHIT games. Nice big pile of SHIT of a weekend, brun, blanc, and rouge. Next game: tomorrow vs. the Blues. (pic: "Complex Shit," a big inflatable shitpile sculpture by Paul McCarthy via)

I like Benoit Pouliot.

2010-01-16T10:20:00.001-05:00

Gui Latendresse may someday play big for somebody, but right now, I'm liking this trade with the Wild. The 6-3 Pouliot has 4G in his last six games, while showing good hands (see above) and a good playmaking head. Did the Habs finally get the better of a deal (remember and bleed with me: Langway, LeClair, Lemieux, Roy, Chelios, Gomez [jury's still out, but the contract alone is unforgivable])? Hopefully, he's not another Pacioretty or D'Agostini who both showed flashes last year, and who've both been wastes of ice space this season.
Meanwhile the team is beating all the teams they're supposed to beat, and losing to all the teams they're supposed to lose to. Which, if the trend doesn't change, means they'll be fighting for the 7th or 8th spot right to the wire. Without their PP and G Halak, they'd be 69-ing the Leafs (sic) in the cellar.
Two big games, today vs. the Sens and tomorrow at the Garden vs the Rangers (not going this year. here's pics from last January).

Jacques Martin's large head must be ready to explode.

2009-12-27T13:20:00.002-05:00

The coach who prides himself on defensive, disciplined hockey has watched his Habs give up 186 shots in the last four games, including 49 last night in a 3-2 OT win over the Leafs (sic). That's four wins in a row for them and their rubberized G Jaroslav Halak—the only reason Montreal (19-18-3) now sit 7th in the East. The Canadiens have turned their zone into a comfortable lounge, complete with La-Z-Boys, free wifi, and complimentary coffee and Danish. Luckily, their PP is at 25%, #1 in the league, and their PK is a strong 7th. This "winning" formula is very reminiscent of their squad a couple of years ago that was consistently dominated at even strength, but won games because of specialty teams and goaltending. Except: this team is getting outplayed even worse. There's no way Halak can keep up this level of unconsciousness, and they're not the Oilers of the 80s; they don't have enough offense to keep succeeding this way. Next game on this 7-game road trip: tomorrow against the injury-depleted Senators, so a fifth straight win is very possible.

WINNING STREAK!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-22T19:10:00.001-05:00

Two in a row, BAYBEE. Who cares if the Habs have been outplayed in both wins over the awful Islanders and average Thrashers. Who cares that the only reason they won both games is because Jaroslav Halak—who's probably being showcased for a trade—stopped 87 of 90 shots. (I do care what they get for him, Bobo Gainey. Let's make it more than a fucking second round pick this time. Actually, maybe trade Carey Price instead.) Who cares if the Canadiens continue to take idiotic, undisciplined penalties. Who cares if they're a one line team, with Andrei AK46 Kostitsyn amazingly, inexplicably, finally playing like an actual power forward (that's mostly due to the continuing superb playmaking of C Tomas Plekanec). Who cares if they're still under .500 (17-18-3) and out of the playoffs. Who cares if there's five more games left on this seven game road trip. Andrei Markov is back, and they're 3-0 with him in the lineup—Go Habs Go! (sigh). Next game: tomorrow at Carolina...three in a row?

Leafs (sic) 3, Canadiens 0.

2009-12-02T12:15:00.001-05:00

Last night, Montreal (12-13-2) was blanked by one of the very worst defensive teams in the league, at home. While the Habs blogs wearing rose-colored glasses point to the injuries, I again point to the off-season moves, every one of which was a monumental mistake (Yes, I said this at the time). Because, besides Andrei Markov, none of the sidelined players is Doug Harvey or Maurice Richard or even Pierre Mondou. As I said in October, this is solidly a .500 hockey team. G Carey Price, who's played quite well recently, can't cover the opposing forwards skating freely in his zone, or backcheck, or hit somebody, or complete a headman pass or FINISH. Next game: tomorrow at Buffalo, followed by Boston at home on Friday. I don't see a win.

Predators fire 55 Hellfire missiles at Carey Price.

2009-11-16T14:20:00.002-05:00

Wow. Saturday, the hard-working Nashville Predators, who will never be mistaken for a team with any offensive talent, outshot the Habs 55-20 en route to a 2-0 win. I'd like to say G Price was a bright spot. But...while he did play well, both goals by Steve Sullivan were the result of silver platter gift-wrapped rebounds. So? 9-11 after 20 games. Next game: tomorrow night vs. the worst team in the NHL, the Carolina Hurricanes. Maybe the Canadiens will actually outskate, outwork, out-anything somebody? Maybe not.

Canadiens fans are f*cking idiots.

2009-11-02T17:45:00.003-05:00

Luckily, both Mike Cammalleri and Scott Gomez followed the scouting report and beat Leafs' (sic) goalie Vesa Toskala high glove-side in the shootout to rescue the too-early serenading buffoons. So, this unremarkable, uninteresting Habs team sits unremarkably at 7-7, right where they should be. This is an incredibly boring team to watch; therefore, because of that, and because I'm busy as fuck at my ad job, I will from here on out only be updating this blog when major develops surface. Go. Habs. Gozzzzzz (yes, I'll still be watching most nights, video via Puck Daddy).

Penguins 6, Canadiens 1.

2009-10-30T19:00:00.001-04:00

And, it wasn't that close Wednesday night. Sid the whiny Kid registered a hat trick. The Habs (6-6) are not Stanley Cup contenders. Next game: tonight! At Chicago. Carey Price back in net (image via).

Impress me Habs, beat the champs.

2009-10-28T16:15:00.002-04:00

Montreal (6-5) won their fourth straight Monday vs. the Islanders, thanks to another end-to-end OT rush, this time by Tomas Plekanec (above). His flip pass to Roman Hamrlik was a Renaissance painting; it was a perfect Czech-to-Czech checkmate ending to an otherwise unremarkable game. But these are the games the Habs must win to make the playoffs. Jaroslav Halak will get his fifth straight start in net tonight at Pittsburgh, and I think he's gonna have to steal this one for the Canadiens to get a W.

Canadiens 5, Rangers 4, OT.

2009-10-26T18:20:00.003-04:00

(Sorry for the late update, work's busy) Forget that the Habs destroyed the Islanders 5-1 last Thursday; that win was meaningless. What was meaningful about it was that it may have jump-started their undersized, overpaid offense. Because Saturday night's home win over the hated Rangers was Montreal's first flash of inspiring hockey. They outskated the Blueshirts, coming back from 3-1 and 4-2 deficits. The Habs (5-5) continued their recent mastery over little Henrik Lundqvist as little Mike $6 million Cammalleri lit him up like the Northern Lights with a four-point hat-trick evening—including the unassisted end-to-end OT game-winner. Next Game: tonight vs. the Islanders, again, at home, thanks to the screwy Olympics year schedule.

Canadiens 2, Thrashers 1, SO.

2009-10-22T14:30:00.001-04:00

Tuesday, The Habs ended their five-game losing streak by beating a team playing their fifth game of a five-game road trip, and did it by filling the net with exactly one puck (Brain Gionta's 4th, Montreal's only quasi-finisher) during competitive play. Color me blasé. Next game: tonight vs. the terrible New York Islanders. (pic: Getty Images, search for "unimpressed")

Senators 3, Canadiens 1.

2009-10-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

All three Ottawa goals, including the beautiful coup de grâce by Alex Kovalev, were buried by finishers. The Habs are finisher-less (and Finnisher-less—miss you Saku). So: five losses in a row. I ain't got shit else to say about this shit-awful team. Next game: Tuesday vs Atlanta. OK, I have to say this: Scott $7 million Gomez. Why, Bob Gainey, WHY? (pic of sexy finisher Kovalev working out via)

Avalanche 3, Canadiens 2.

2009-10-17T11:40:00.001-04:00

(click image) Thursday evening, Carey Price unveiled his new mask for the Habs home opener; it features the Grim Reaper riding a chopper and skulls and aces of spades and looks pretty fucking idiotic. And, judging by the first two Colorado lucky-bounce goals, his headgear may be cursed. Montreal finally clearly outplayed somebody, and probably deserved to win, or at least deserved a point. But as Clint Eastwood told Gene Hackman before blowing his brains out in Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it." Because the Habs own-zone play on the late third period game-winner—18-year-old Ryan O'Reilly's first NHL goal—was embarrassing. That's four losses in a row, and this team's make-up makes me want to puke. Next game: tonight vs. Alex Kovalev and the Senators.

0-3 Western Canadian Swing.

2009-10-11T12:50:00.002-04:00

I only saw the 4-3 Calgary loss Tuesday as I am traveling and away from my NHL Center Ice. But judging by the highlights and recaps of the 7-1 drubbing executed by Vancouver, there wasn't much to analyze about the Habs giant turd-like effort. Last night, the Canadiens finally put some rubber on a goalie at Edmonton, but the 'bulin Wall (what a fucking stupid nickname) apparently did what the Habs Jaro Halak and Carey Price didn't do on the swing, that being make some tough saves. Brian Gionta ripped home his third goal, and continues to be about the only Hab worth a shit so far this season. So: 0-3 against three teams nobody will mistake for Cup contenders. My .500 season prediction may be a bit optimistic. Next game: home opener Thursday vs. Colorado ("Three Swings" acrylic above can be yours for $825).

Canadiens 2, Sabres 1, OT.

2009-10-05T20:45:00.005-04:00

So, I'm warming up to peewee Brian Gionta, especially after this beautiful street hockey batted-in game-winning goal against Buffalo Saturday night. Maybe the Habs will get four-years-ago BG. I'm not, however, fooled by the 2-0-0 start. Montreal has been seriously outplayed in both tilts, saved only by Carey Price's solid (fingers crossed) goaltending. The Sabres completely shutdown the Markov-less Habs, limiting them to 15 mostly harmless shots. Now a test: the dreaded three-city western Canada swing starting tomorrow night in Calgary.

Leafs (sic) coach Ron Wilson sums up Habs.

2009-10-03T09:45:00.001-04:00

Habs Inside Out found some TV screen caps from Wilson's Thursday night cheatsheet. Sorry, Ronnie, but little Mike Camalleri (sic) left "big slow" Luke Schenn "behind" on Josh Gorges winning OT goal. Blown "Big Blue" assignment, yes? Building always begins in the cellar, right? You should start a wine collection.

Canadiens 4, Leafs (sic) 3, OT.

2009-10-02T20:30:00.006-04:00

I was wrong! The Habs, thanks to G Carey Price and a shaky Vesa Toskala, and Leaf D Mike Komisarek spending 15 minutes in the box (nice game, dickhead), managed to squeeze out an undeserved win (outshot 46-27) against arguably the worst team in the league. Gionta (1G), Moen (1G), Cammalleri (2A), Metropolit (1G, 1A) and Gorges (1G, 1A) looked good, $7-mil man Gomez not so good, Gill (as in fish) inept. All of this is moot, because of THIS. Jesus. Next game: tomorrow @ Buffalo (image: flickr).

Your truncated Habs 2009-2010 preview.

2009-10-01T13:45:00.002-04:00

Great off-season! GM Bob Gainey signed three truncated forwards all under five-feet tall (that's Scott Gomez and Brian Gionta above in a recent practice on a 2-on-none drill against some local Montreal pee-wee goalie.). And he signed three new defensemen, two of whom are as slow as fucking sloths. So: instead of addressing what has been their #1 need for years—a BIG finishing forward—Gainey brings in overpaid gnats. FUCKING SPLENDID. SI picks the Habs 8th in the conference, ESPN Mag predicts 5th (crackheads). Tonight the season of .500 starts: @ Toronto. Loss number one (image: flickr).

2009-04-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

2009-04-21T19:00:00.000-04:00

3-0. It's over. Big surprise.
The Bruins have conducted a clinic on defensive hockey.
Tim Thomas hasn't even had to be good.
Good luck Boston.

and so it begins...

2009-04-16T16:30:00.000-04:00

Relax. It's faux.
GO HABS GO!

Habs clinch.

2009-04-10T12:30:00.004-04:00

Yip fucking pee. In a probable 1st round preview, Montreal (41-29-11) backed into the playoffs with a 5-4 OT loss to the Bruins and asshole Milan Lucic who can't take a clean hit. Matt D'Agostini snapped in two goals. Alex Kovalev stayed hot. And the supposedly mortally-wounded Mathieu Schneider played and blasted home a PP slapper. But without Andrei Markov, their best player+, the Habs are gonna need B's goalie Tim Thomas to come up Lilliputian and Carey Price to come up Brobdingnagian to advance. Still, there's that Montreal/Boston playoff history to consider...or, they'll face the Capitals.

Habs Season Is OVER.

2009-04-06T21:00:00.002-04:00

Playoffs or not, They're fucking FUCKED. (image via)

I've switched to this chair for the last five games.

2009-04-03T13:10:00.001-04:00

What is this..."complete game" thing the Canadiens (40-27-10) have played in their last two contests, both emphatic wins—4-1 over the good Blackhawks and 5-1 over the bad Islanders? Forechecking, backchecking, passing, finishing, powerplay goals, fortuitous bounces, defensive zone coverage, goaltending? Where are my Habs? Where is the knot in my stomach?

I bought this chair from the Torture Museum in Amsterdam for $3.5 million to sit in to watch the rest of the season.

2009-03-28T08:10:00.002-04:00

(click image) I got a firsthand look at this baby three years ago. It's called the Inquisition Chair, and was designed to cause excruciating pain over your entire body; so, perfect for watching this fucking Habs (38-27-9) team. Thursday eve vs. the Lightning, Montreal played a rare passionate game. Though they led only 1-0, the Canadiens outshot Tampa 24-8 through two periods. Then, Gui Latendresse did this, and I exhaled. Then, two lucky bounces later, the game was in overtime, and I was in shock. Luckily Saku Koivu got a lucky bounce of his own to salvage the night. So, two points up on ninth place Florida with eight to play. Next game: tonight vs. Buffalo (five points back). I'll be strapping myself in.

I'm in Paris on vacation...

2009-03-21T14:50:00.000-04:00

...until Thursday. Habs (36-26-9) have lost four in a row, including getting lit up by Jason Spezza and Ottawa 5-4 two nights ago. This shit stain of a streak will probably continue tonight versus the carefree Leafs (sic). Montreal sits one point out of being out of the playoffs...I don't care, I'm on fucking vacation, you cowardly assholes. I will resume posts whence I return. (image via)

Pour another 40 for the Habs...

2009-03-18T16:30:00.002-04:00

Another game, another 40+ shots against, another loss—this time to the tougher, faster, determineder Rangers. Thanks to a late, lucky-ass Andrei Markov wristshot that somehow squeezed by a klutzy King Henrik, the Habs (36-25-9) stole a point. Markov was Montreal's star this night as he also made a marvelous 50-foot pass to a falling Alex Kovalev who one-timed a PP snapper by Lundqvist. G Carey Price came up tiny in the shootout going 0-for-3. Luckily for the Habs, Buffalo, Carolina, and Florida keep losing. Next game: tomorrow @ Ottawa. Must win. Again.

Mortal Lock: the Devils will beat the Canadiens tonight.

2009-03-14T15:00:00.001-04:00

The Habs (36-24-8) got out-worked, out-shot, out-played, out-everythinged, at home, by the worst team in the league Thursday; they were damn lucky to get that precious point. Now, tonight, Montrealer Martin Brodeur will be looking to tie Patrick Roy as the winningiest goalie of all time. The Devils are 3-0 against the Canadiens this season, and come in playing their best hockey. (world's largest padlock, via Pakistan)

Canadiens 4, Oilers 3, OT.

2009-03-12T15:25:00.001-04:00

The captain Saku Koivu willed the Habs (36-24-7) to victory Tuesday night, Bob Gainey's first game behind the bench. He tied the game with four minutes left by jabbing the puck in with the shaft of his stick (or, cough, his glove). Then in OT, he deftly deflected a bullet Mathieu Schneider PP slapper by Edmonton's helpless Dwayne Roloson. Next game: tonight vs. the terrible Islanders. Must win.

CARBO DUNZO.

2009-03-10T17:50:00.002-04:00

GM Bob Gainey shitcanned him yesterday, so he'll now have plenty of time to spend with his beautiful wife, Line. As a player, Carbonneau was sublime. Arguably the best defensive forward in the history of the game (that includes you, Bob), his ability to block shots was unparalleled. While not a big goal scorer, he scored HUGE playoff goals for both the 1986 and 1993 Cup-winning teams. As a coach, well, he was not good. But in his defense, this current mess of a squad is not his responsibility. He goes out a winner as the Habs (35-24-7) killed 9 of 10 penalties—including three straight minutes of 5 on 3 time—in Sunday's improbable 3-1 win at Dallas in which G Carey Price appeared to be fully back in form. Gainey's behind the bench tonight vs. Edmonton. It'll be interesting to watch how the players react. (image via)

Thrashers 2, Canadiens 0.

2009-03-08T13:15:00.003-04:00

Playing the worst defensive team in the league, with the worst home record and the worst penalty-killing stats, the Habs (34-24-7) displayed the killer instinct of a pacifist eunuch Friday night in Atlanta. Also remember: the Thrashers traded two of the their top four defensemen (Mathieu Schneider to Montreal and Niclas Havelid to the Devils) before the deadline. Lone bright spot: G Carey Price, subbing for the fluey Jaro Halak, played a solid game. Next game: today @ Dallas. (pictured: some sort of wurst art installation in Germany, via)

Sabres 5, Canadiens 1.

2009-03-05T20:25:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I completely forgot to wear my Habs hat last night while watching this abysmal game, so that 4-game streak is still alive. The Canadiens (34-23-7) came out like they had fire ants in their hockey pants, dominating faceoffs and outshooting Buffalo 18-10 in the first period. However, they couldn't put one past a hot Patrick Lalime. The Sabres took a 1-0 lead late the stanza with a garbage PP goal off a blocked shot. And then, the Habs just flat out fucking quit the game. Pa-thetic. Coach Carbo skated their asses off this morning...I would've extended it until somebody passed out. Next game: tomorrow @ Atlanta. Hat will be back on.

THE STREAK...

2009-03-03T19:15:00.002-05:00

Four wins in a row for the crazy Habs (34-22-7). After beating the hated Flyers 4-3 in OT Friday thanks to Mathieu Schneider's perfect PP wrister, Montreal somehow jumped to a 3-zip first period lead over league-leader San Jose Saturday night. Then, somehow-er, they managed to hold on for the win. G Jaroslav Halak continues to somehow-est stop the puck with his flailing, flopping style that is a nightmare to witness. Tomas Plekanec and the maybe not about to be traded Alex Kovalev are playing like last season. Still. I feel this charade could implode at any moment...like tomorrow night, in Buffalo.

Habs Hat put to the test tonight.

2009-02-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

Before Saturday's 5-3 win against Ottawa, I hadn't worn my Canadiens hat since going to MSG in early January to see Montreal drub the hated Rangers, 6-3. I also wore it while watching the unconscious Jaro Halak shutout the superior Canucks 3-0 on Tuesday. Tonight, the Habs (32-22-7) and the Hat are put to the test in Philadelphia against the hot Flyers. If they win again, I'll prop up my autographed Guy Lafleur photo on the sofa during tomorrow's game vs. the Sharks. If the winning streak stretches to four, I may dig the dusty red jersey out of the closet...

Penguins 5, Canadiens 4.

2009-02-21T13:30:00.001-05:00

Thursday, the Habs (30-22-7) displayed defensive zone coverage reminiscent of the NJ pond games of my youth in losing for the 12th time in 15 games. And now, even if Montreal snakes into the playoffs, the Kostitsyn brothers and Roman Hamrlik may be watching from the big house (probably not). Quite the memorable 100th season. The team sits a slim two points ahead of ninth place Carolina. Next Game: today vs. Ottawa. Rested, probably soon to be traded Alex Kovalev back in the lineup. Habs have beaten the Sens five straight. (image via)

Capitals 4, Canadiens 3, SO.

2009-02-19T16:15:00.001-05:00

Yeah, yeah, the Habs (30-21-7) and even G Carey Price played their first decent game in awhile. But they still needed one ridiculously lucky bounce and a shaky Jose Theodore in the Capitals' net to get that precious point. However, this Alex Ovechkin goal, in which he made Roman Hamrlik look extremely silly before scoring from his ass, is all you need to remember. Next game: tonight @ Pittsburgh (must win?).

The End Is Nigh.

2009-02-18T16:00:00.001-05:00

After getting dominated yet again in a 4-2 loss Sunday to the Canucks, The Habs (30-21-6) have lost 10 of their last 13 games. They currently sit in a four-way tie for the eighth and last playoff spot. GM Bob Gainey has responded by 1) stupidly trading 2nd and 3rd round draft picks for a washed up 39-year-old former Canadien; and 2) idiotically broadcasting to the other 29 teams that Alex Kovalev can be had at the trading deadline for about a 10th-round draft pick. That's some crack GM-ing, Bobby. Next game: tonight @ Washington.

Canadiens 4, Avalanche 2.

2009-02-15T17:00:00.006-05:00

The Habs (30-20-6) Friday pulled a win directly out of the ass of Jaroslav Halak. The Slovak keeper stopped 46 of 48 shots, including three breakaways and a couple others he never saw. The Canadiens led 2-0 after one period, and then turned on their non-forechecking neutral zone clog—which did nothing to slow down the Avalanche as they outshot Montreal 36-9 over the last two periods. Yes, the Habs were utterly dominated by the last place Avalanche. Andrei Kostitsyn (19Gs, leads team) scored the game-winner with 2:16 left off a nice flip pass from Mathieu Dandenault. Kostitsyn sweetly settled the puck and deftly went forehand-backhand to slip it between Colorado goalie Peter Budaj's pads. It was the first road win ever for the Habs against the Avalanche. Next game: tonight! @ Vancouver. Halak back in net, sans demon mask.

Oilers 7, Canadiens 2.

2009-02-13T19:30:00.003-05:00

The Habs (29-20-6), after getting embarrassingly torched by the Flames, went bowling. Wednesday, they played even worse and got absolutely drilled by the Oilers. If they lose tonight in Colorado, maybe—in lieu of practicing until the blades break off their skates—they should play a little shuffleboard tomorrow in Vancouver. Then, if they lose to the Canucks, they should again forgo ice time, and gather in the hotel lobby in Washington and play some Parcheesi. And so on. Montreal has now lost nine of their last 11, and are five points ahead of ninth place Carolina and tenth place Pittsburgh.

Flames 6, Canadiens 2, and maybe the shittiest period of hockey the Habs have ever played.

2009-02-11T15:30:00.003-05:00

Monday night, the Habs (29-19-6) were outshot 20-4 and out-scored 3-0 in the second period, and it wasn't that close. They gift-wrapped two shorthanded breakaway goals for Calgary. They were out-skated, out-muscled, out-goaltended, out-everythinged like I've never seen. So, they went bowling. Montreal now sits five points clear of missing the playoffs. Next game: tonight @ Edmonton. (giant inflatable dog turd sculpture "Complex Shit" by Paul McCarthy, via)

Price coming up PeeWee for Habs.

2009-02-09T11:30:00.001-05:00

After a 3-2 loss to the Sabres Friday and a 5-2 drubbing at home versus the Leafs (sic) Saturday night, The Habs (29-18-6) have now lost seven of their last nine and are a scant six points clear of not making the playoffs. Since coming back from his ankle injury, Jesus Price has been a baby-sized savior between the pipes. And as every nervous Habs fan knows, this team's success begins and ends with the goofy Garth Brooks-lovin' 21-year-old. Philadelphia plainly and painfully showed that last year in the playoffs. Next game: tonight @ Calgary. This western swing could sink them. (pic via)

Canadiens 4, Penguins 2.

2009-02-06T16:00:00.001-05:00

Quick, late update (I work 12 hours a day): The Habs (29-16-6) played a solid game Tuesday eve. And the Penguins suck waaay worse than I thought. Standouts were: Sergei Kostitsyn (skated like he was possessed); Max Pacioretty (sweet assist on the third goal by Max Lapierre); Chris Higgins (buried a shorthanded goal); Roman Hamrlik (+4); and the newly reformed Plekanec-Kovalev-Andrei Kostitsyn line. Next game: tonight @ fairly-hot Buffalo. (pic of Crosby-dissing Ranger fan via flickr)

Bruins 3, Canadiens 1.

2009-02-02T19:30:00.001-05:00

Wearing their terrible barber shop pole/pajama throwback uni's, the Habs put forth just enough effort to lose a close game to the Bruins. That's the good news. The bad news is much more significant. Also, no word on the condition Gui Latendresse, who slammed his head hard into the boards. Alex Kovalev has basically slept through the last four games, and was benched for the third period by coach Carbonneau. Unless something dramatic happens before the trading deadline, this mediocre group is almost certainly headed nowhere. Notes: Kings defenseman Denis Gauthier got only a five-game suspension for trying to behead Josh Gorges. Next game: tomorrow vs. Pittsburgh and cry-baby Crosby.

The most important goal of the Habs' season?

2009-02-01T11:00:00.001-05:00

I'm all about the hyperbolic hypothetical questions, lately. But Chis Higgins's monster game-tying goal with 1:50 left in yesterday's HUGE win over the Kings was an absolute fucking epic Homer poem of a goal. He threw aside Kings whiny hotshot rookie defenseman Drew Doughty like a girlie rag doll, and roofed it over poke-checking goalie Jonathan Quick.
"I thought it was pretty obvious that he kind of stuck out his arm and just threw me back there, but they didn't give us the call, obviously..." whined the crybaby rag doll Doughty about being legally out-muscled by Higgins.
The Habs (28-15-6) won it with a cheap-ass PP goal with 22 seconds left as a falling Quick knocked the rebound of an Andrei Markov slapper into his own net (Saku Koivu wrongly got credit for the goal). Before these frantic last two minutes, the Canadiens were sleepwalking towards a deserved loss to the mediocre Kings.
Today at 2pm, the Bruins.

Habs heading towards missing the playoffs?

2009-01-31T10:00:00.001-05:00

The Habs (27-15-6) went 0-for-Florida, and sucked endless dick in the process. They followed up one of their worst games of the season—the 5-3 loss to Tampa Bay on Tuesday—with their worst game of the season—a 5-1 ass-whoopin' administered by the 8th place Panthers. Florida now sits 6 scant points behind Montreal. And ninth place Carolina and Pittsburgh, both pretty good clubs who are almost certainly going to pick up play, are only 7 points behind the Habs. The Florida game was an absolute meltdown. The plethora of blown defensive assignments was fucking embarrassing. Carey Price wasn't great in goal, but he was the best Hab on the ice; it very easily could have been 10-1. Losing streak is at 4. What's next? Two home matinees: today vs. Los Angeles and tomorrow vs. the 35-8-6 Bruins. Could be an ugly weekend.

My annual All-Star Game boycott.

2009-01-24T18:30:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the lack of game reports for the last two losses against Atlanta and New Jersey, but I've been busier than usual at my ad copywriting job. Frankly, the All-Star break comes at a good time for the Habs (27-13-6). In Atlanta, Jaro Halak let the Thrashers first two goals leak through him on the way to 3-0 deficit. And The Canadiens—despite a nice PP goal by Max Pacioretty and Carey Price spelling Halak—never recovered. I didn't watch the NJ game, and that was a good thing. A supposedly healthy Price made his first start in a month and captain Saku Koivu finally returned from his ankle sprain. But the Devils, now 3-0 against the Habs this season, coasted to the 5-2 win.
So, tonight's the boring skills competition, which I abhor. And tomorrow is the All-Star game, which is as big of a joke of a sporting event as any Harlem Globetrotters game. I don't give a shit that it's in Montreal. So, no. No reports. I'm not watching. For the record: Andrei Markov and Price deserve to be there; Alex Kovalev and Mike Komisarek do not. Back to regular posting next Tuesday/Thursday as the Habs make their second two-game swing through Florida.

Canadiens 5, Senators 4, SO.

2009-01-18T18:30:00.001-05:00

Missed the game as we spent last night deep in the avant-garde belly of the downtown Manhattan beast, taking in Celestial Excursions by the Godfather of experimental opera, Robert Ashley. If you're, like me, a fan of the magic and music of spoken words, it is highly recommended...I'm glad I didn't watch the Habs (27-11-6) unmagically blow two 2-goal third-period leads on the way to a stupid skills competition win over the disgraceful last-place Ottawa Senators (Seriously, with a monster #1 line like Heatley-Alfredsson-Spezza, you gotta at least be a playoff team.). Watching the highlights, Robert Lang had two nice assists, one on scalding-hot Andrei Kostitsyn's 7th goal in the last seven games. Max Lapierre got the winner in the shootout and is now 2-for-2 on the season. Notes: In his first NHL game, winger Gregory Stewart got a nice assist on Matt D'Agostini's 7th G...Still waiting for Saku Koivu to return...Carey Price says he's close, and hopes to play in either Atlanta or New Jersey this week... Next game: Tuesday @ Atlanta. (pictured disgraceful Republican senator Larry Craig)

Canadiens 3, Predators 2.

2009-01-17T11:00:00.003-05:00

The Habs (26-11-6) expended just enough energy (20 SOGs) to beat the hardworking, skills-challenged Preds. The Andreis Markov and Kostitsyn stood out in this rather boring tilt. American hockey writers can moan and groan about his All-Star starting position all they want—but Markov is one of the five best defensemen in the league. Kostitsyn ripped in his 15th on the PP (off a great pass by Markov), and is finally returning to last season's electric form. Not much else to say—it's January, and it was fucking Nashville, hockey mecca of Appalachia. Next game: tonight @ Ottawa.

Bruins 3, Canadiens 1.

2009-01-15T16:00:00.005-05:00

I'm ridiculously busy at work, so just a short post to say that the Bruins are a better team than the current Koivu-less, Price-less Canadiens. The Habs (25-11-6) played a respectable game in Beantown Tuesday eve, but solid Bruin D and clutch goaltending by Tim Thomas (he absolutely robbed Andrei Kostitsyn late in the third period with a post-to-post lunging glove save) won the game for Boston. Enjoy your spectacular regular season now B's...because it means absolutely nothing come April. Next game: tonight, against a professional ice hockey team from Nashville, Tennessee, think they're called the Kerchiefs or something.

Canadiens 5, Capitals 4.

2009-01-12T20:00:00.004-05:00

(the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, Ford Theatre, Washington, D.C.) Oh baby, what a third period Saturday night. It felt like a mid-1980s Oilers vs. Anybody game. Six goals, four by the Habs (25-10-6), end-to-end mayhem. Finally with 21 seconds left, Sergei Kostitsyn (8Gs) pounced on defenseman Milan Jurcina's mishandle and slid a change-up wrister by stunned Capital goalie Brent Johnson. Earlier, Washington had tied it at 4 on a lucky double deflection PP goal as Kostitsyn sat out a lazy hooking penalty. The Caps entered the third period leading 2-1, thanks to a moment Hab fans had been anticipating with knowing dread; Patrice "Sweepstakes" Brisebois gave away a left boards gift to Alexander Semin who walked in on Jaro Halak and nonchalantly roofed it. Notes: Habs on a 9-1-1 streak have also won 4 straight...Why didn't Cap coach Bruce Boudreau again start ex-Hab Jose Theodore in net?...Tomas Plekanec (9Gs) scored twice, including his third shorthanded tally of the season...Robert Lang, showing those greats hands again, potted his 16th on the PP...the amazing Alex Ovechkin had 8 SOGs but somehow didn't score...Next game: tomorrow, on the road, against the second best team in the NHL—the hated Bruins...

The last time I saw the Canadiens win in person, Lafleur and Shutt both scored goals...

2009-01-10T19:15:00.004-05:00

(click pic: Robert Lang [#20] about to skate down the bench receiving line after scoring his 2nd of three goals—a spectacular rush and roof-it number) Well it hadn't been that long, (though I did see Lafleur and Shutt score in a 4-2 win over the Rangers at the Garden back in 1980 when I was...much younger) but I was starting to worry I was an unqualified jinx. I lucked into free third row seats through my job, and we were seated at the end where Montreal scored all 6 of their goals. In other words, it was fucking heaven. We were seated directly behind Long Islander and ESPN broadcaster Linda Cohn (image via). She was of course rooting for the Blueshirts, but non-obnoxiously (the same can not be said about my taunting shouts of "Go HOME!" after Lang's 2nd made it 5-3.). When Lang's empty-netter gave him the natural hat trick, I doffed my Habs cap, and came thisclose to tossing it over the glass...but it's a newish hat, so I balked. Don't know if I'll be able to get good seats for the April rematch at the Garden, but April games for playoff teams are useless anyway. Anyway, more pics from Georgina!

(click pics: coach Carbonneau clapping and oohing.)

(click pics: Habs win a center-ice draw; action right in front of us)

(click pics: the ruggedly beautiful Alex Kovalev, who scored the Habs first goal after Henrik "The King" Lundqvist handed the puck right to Max Pacioretty and he fed a wide-open Kovalev for the jam-in, had plenty of offensive-zone room all night. (R) SUCK it, Gothamists.)

Canadiens 6, Maple Leafs (sic) 2.

2009-01-10T11:10:00.004-05:00

Thursday night, the visiting sub-.500 Leafs (sic) decided that they would out-tough the Habs (24-10-6). And out-penalty them. And out-dumbass them. Two minutes into the game, Sergei Kostitsyn scored a PP tap-in goal off a sweet feed from Patrice Brisebois (3 assists, 1st star) and, helped out by bad Vesa Toskala goaltending, the Canadiens skated to their easiest win of the season. Toronto laughingly macho-jammed Jaro Halak's crease after every stoppage, but the Czech keeper was never rattled and played his second straight solid game. Six different Habs scored, including a wicked wrister by Alex Kovalev (11Gs, two-game goal streak), and impressive American rookie Max Pacioretty's 2nd. Notes: ex little-Hab Mikhail Grabovski earned himself a three-game suspension by shoving a ref during a non-fight with fellow Belarussian Kostitsyn—read the whole back-story here (scroll down)... Montreal's on an 8-1-1 streak...Cap Saku Koivu won't be back until next week...Tom Kostopoulos and Francis Bouillon, both giving up much size, both lost decisions in their fights with Jamal Mayers and new Leaf goon Brad May, respectively...Habs lead season series 2-1...Next game: tonight against the hot, dangerous, 27-12-3 Capitals. Later today, I'll post more pics/notes from our wondrous visit to MSG...

Canadiens 6, Rangers 3.

2009-01-08T16:30:00.004-05:00

(click pic) I was at the Garden last night, in the 3rd row, and had a perfect view of the Habs (23-10-6) lighting up Henrik "The King" Lundqvist like a fucking pinball machine. I'll do a longer post on this game Saturday, with many more pics by Georgina. In the meantime, here's the Max Lapierre line gracefully turning up ice in unison. Next Game: tonight! Against the hated Leafs (sic). I smell rivalry trouble.

Canadiens 6, Panthers 5, SO.

2009-01-06T14:10:00.001-05:00

Late post 'cause I'm busy. Sunday, the Habs (22-10-6) played one of their best periods of the season, but sandwiched it with two of their worst periods of the season. After literally watching the Panthers take a 2-0 first period lead, Montreal scored four straight even-strength second period goals while out-shooting Florida 19-5. Then in the third stanza, the Cats feasted on Montreal's lazy sloppiness, finally tying the game on Radek Dvorak's 2nd goal with less than two minutes left. Comrade Andrei Markov scored the only shootout tally in the ill-gotten win. First star Andrei Kostitsyn tallied two goals, including an Alex Semin-quality wrister. Jaro Halak was again sub-par between the pipes...Jesus Christ, come back soon Carey Price. Note: pathetic Hab PP was minus one-for-5 as Dvorak scored on a shorthanded breakaway after idiotic Alex Kovalev tried to skate thru three Panthers. Next game: tomorrow night, here in NYC, against the HATED Rangers. I'll be there.

Devils 4, Canadiens 1.

2009-01-03T12:00:00.001-05:00

(image: a sieve)
Jaroslav Halak has been an acceptable backup goalie to Carey Price this season. But last night against New Jersey, he sucked Satan's sweaty stinky sack. The first two Devil goals went straight through the leaky Halak. And with the Habs (21-10-6) missing an entire offensive line to injuries, well, pray that Price doesn't get seriously hurt. But in Halak's defense, many of the forwards took a night off from backchecking (right, AK46?), and many of the defensemen's breakout passes were sloppy. Montreal's only goal was 2007 #1 pick (and U of Michigan product) Max Pacioretty's first NHL tally, set up by a beaut of a carom pass by Kyle Chipchura. Notes: The double-shifted Alex Kovalev played 22+ minutes and was often dangerous with 6 SOGs...third goalie Marc Denis saw his first action of the year, replacing Halak for the third period (1G against)...Next game: tomorrow afternoon vs. the not-hated Panthers...

Rubber Bullet Points, January 2nd.

2009-01-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

• Eying their 5th straight World Junior title, Canada blitzed the US, 7-4.
• A look back at that magical night when Tretiak stoned the Habs on New Year's Eve, 1975 (image via).
• Tanguay's out 6 weeks, Price is out tonight vs. the (hated) Devils.
• Gaborik update: maybe facing season-ending surgery. He'll probably get injured during the operation.
• They really know their hockey in San Jose.

Canadiens 2, Lightning 1, SO.

2008-12-31T15:45:00.001-05:00

Playing their 3rd game in four nights, and looking like they were playing their 3rd game in one night, The Habs (21-9-6) still managed to barely skate to an ugly, stupid skills competition win. But until Gui Latendresse scored a rebound goal in the first minute of the third period to tie it, it looked like the Canadiens were going to lose to arguably the worst team in the league for the 2nd time in three weeks. In the shootout, Alex Kovalev scored on his usual backhand move, and then current team MVP Max Lapierre buried a top shelf forehand that ended up winning it. G Carey Price was solidly solid, per usual. So, four points in Florida: something that has pretty much never happened, and used to be a yearly zero- or one-point trip. Notes: Montreal 3-0 on road trip, 5-0-1 in last six...Hulking Lightning forward Evgeny Artyukhin tried to check Alex Tanguay into the Gulf of Mexico, breaking a pane of glass in the process. Tanguay didn't return to action and was scheduled for an upper body MRI today...Though he gave up about a thousand pounds, brave Tom Kostopoulos instigated a fight with Artyukhin later in the first period, and got summarily pounded...Next game: Friday @ the boring, trapping hated Devils...I'm off to see Slumdog Millionaire with my lovely girlfriend...("A55 RGY" license plate via. You stay classy, Sunshine State.)

Canadiens 5, Panthers 2.

2008-12-30T11:15:00.004-05:00

(pictured: "one of New York's finest entertainers," Max the Magician.)
Max Lapierre (7Gs), displaying the right-handed scoring touch of a flowing-locks Lafleur, pulled a natural hat trick out of his ass to power the Habs (20-9-6). With the game tied at 2 in the second period, Lapierre calmly roofed a bad-angle backhand over surprise starting Panther G Craig Anderson (#1 Florida netminder Tomas Vokoun has often stood on his balding Czech head vs. Montreal). Then, early in the third he calmly fired an off-wing wrister by Anderson. He also slid in an unassisted empty-netter. The newly un-undead (update: or is that un-un-undead? Logic professors, please confirm.) Tomas Plekanec (7Gs) added an electric shorthanded breakaway tally. Both Panther goals were the result of Hab mistakes: First, Michael Frolik caught G Carey Price cheating on a 2-on-1; their second goal, by David Booth (15Gs), came as a result of an idiotic giveaway by Sergei Kostitsyn. Notes: Montreal 4-0-1 in last five...D Josh Gorges got a lot of PP time—which he isn't quite ready for...About 2/3s of the fans in the Sunrise stands were Habs fans. "If we can have crowds like that every weekend (it was a Monday night, dude), I don't care who they're cheering for," lied Panther coach Pete DeBoer....Next game: tonight! @ the hated (OK, not really) Lightning...

Live blogging the Canadiens/Penguins while listening to the dim-witted Murray Wilson and Rick Moffat on CJAD on my laptop at my parents' house.

2008-12-27T21:35:00.002-05:00

• Now-healed Andrei Kostitsyn bangs it in from the playmaking center formerly known as Tomas Plekanec (Pleks's first point in TEN games).
• Penguins tie it with a cheap bounce off the end boards and off G Carey Price...goal to Pascal Dupuis (born in Laval).
• AK46 again! Again from Pleks! With 1.6 seconds left in the period! "Tape-to-tape" according to the cliché-spouting Wilson.
END OF PERIOD. Habs, 2-1.
• Crosby ties it. Jerkface.
• ...and the Habs' offense completely vanishes in the second period.
END OF PERIOD. 2-2.
• Hat Trick (his first!) for Kostitsyn! BLOWS it by G Marc-André Fluery...
• Max Lapierre shorthanded breakaway...doesn't score...of course not...the hustler has hands of stone (my contribution to the Murray Wilson cliché spew stream).
• Josh Gorges trips Crosby, another Penguin PP. Uh. Oh.
• Tanguay, high-sticking, with 3 minutes left. SHIT.
• Price robs Malkin! Apparently! (and again!)
• Pens 0-5 on the PP! Fluery is pulled with :55 remaining.
• HABS WIN, 3-2! Montreal (19-9-6) outshot 17-5 in the third period. Price came up big 5 or 6 times. Fuck you, cry-baby Sidney Crosby, who has taken the league's biggest whiner-to-refs torch, passed on from Wayne Gretzky...

X-Mas eve eve Rubber Bullet Points.

2008-12-23T12:30:00.003-05:00

• It's the Canadiens' official Christmas card. How preciously pathetic.
• The worst hockey column headline of the holiday season, maybe ever: O little town of Bettmanhem...
• Beau-Brummell coach Carbonneau says his team is "right where we want to be." If that's "heading towards watching the late playoff rounds on TV," then he is astutely correct.
• Injury-prone Gaborik for lazy-prone Kovalchuk?
• MYFO's guide to the worst of NHL.com's Winter Classic gift guide.
• The Great One's Twitter is a fake. No, he's waiting for the Whiner app. (via)
• The NJ Devils name their favorite holiday songs. Bobby Holik: "Music means nothing to me." (via)

Hurricanes 3, Canadiens 2, OT.

2008-12-22T15:41:00.010-05:00

Asshole Tuomo Ruutu, youngest of the asshole Ruutu brothers, jammed in the game winner as a somewhat rusty, leaky Carey Price let an Eric Staahl wrist shot leak between his rusty pads. Robert Lang's PP one-timer got the Habs (18-9-6) a tie and a point with seven minutes left in the third period. But yet again, another team's group of forwards out-skated Montreal's. Other than Saku Koivu (who is of course hurt), Tom Kostopoulos, maybe Max Lapierre, and rookie Matt D'Agostini (6Gs now in 11 games), no other Canadien forwards have showed up for every game. And if you can't show up after putting on the C-H, then you don't deserve to wear it. Carolina has now won 12 of the last 15 vs. the Habs. Next game: Saturday @ Pittsburgh.

Canadiens 4, Sabres 3, OT.

2008-12-21T15:00:00.003-05:00

"You're going to have to show me where Jochen is holding somebody," whined Buffalo coach Lindy Ruff post-game about Jochen Hecht's blatant interference penalty on Alex Kovalev that led to AK's game-winning PP laser wrister with :25 left in OT—it was Montreal's first OT win of the season. Why don't you shut your ugly face you whiny little girl coach with a female-like first name? The big victory moved the Habs (18-9-5) five points ahead of Buffalo in the Northeast division. Kovalev had eight SOGs and now has goals in three straight, and I pray to Lord Stanley that he has finally de-fogged himself. Notes: Shut-up Ruff. Sergei Kostitsyn had 2Gs and was the game's first star. Next game: in four hours! vs. the stupid, hated Hurricanes. Carey Price back in net.

Canadiens 5, Flyers 2.

2008-12-19T21:00:00.002-05:00

Holy shit, what the Hell happened to the hapless Habs (17-9-5) of the last three games? The forwards were driving to the net in droves...perfect, flying Frenchmen-like headman passes by Max Lapierre and Steve Begin(?) setup clean breakaway goals by Matt D'Agostini (5Gs) and Alexei Kovalev (2-game goal-scoring streak!), respectively...the PP potted a pair...Everybody was hitting filthy Flyers left and right...Shit, dapper coach Carbonneau...did you personally shoot B-vitamins into the asses of every player during the pre-game meeting? Notes: Of COURSE ex-Hab Arron Asham scored for Philly...One major complaint—G Jaro Halak was giving up big rebounds like his equipment was rubberized...Next game: tomorrow vs Buffalo.

Gameday Rubber Bullet Points.

2008-12-18T11:15:00.002-05:00

• Ulfie Samuelsson blogs that he once tried to electrocute Rick Tocchet.
• Canadiens sign time-traveling Jacques Plante (right) to play goal tonight.
• Olde tyme Leafs/Hawks hockey.
• Marian Gaborik's groin talks...like a gangsta(?).
• Semin on woman. (as an aside, he has the best wrist shot in the NHL).
• Mike Komisarek may be in the lineup tonight.

Montreal Canadiens right winger Alexei Kovalev shoots vulcanized rubber disk into a 4'x6' framed net during an NHL game resulting in an official goal.

2008-12-17T16:00:00.001-05:00

And what an artistic goal it was—a shorthanded one-timer off the post off a perfect faceoff win by C Robert Lang. Forget the fact that the Habs lost the game to Carolina, 3-2. Or that the Hurricanes were 3 for ELEVEN on the powerplay as Montreal spent more than a third of the game shorthanded. Or that the Habs (16-9-5) had exactly ONE (1) PP opportunity. Or that this was as blatant a case of anti-Canadien (or anti-Canadian, if you will) refereeing as you'll ever see. No. All that matters is that the talented, beautiful Alex Kovalev ended his 6-week scoreless slumber. NOW, the TEAR starts. Notes: ex-useless-Hab Sergei Samsonov had two assists...When Andrei Markov's batted-in goal was officially disallowed, the 'Canes gave their goal horn a short blast. You stay classy, Raleigh. Next game: tomorrow vs. the very badly hated Flyers.

Capitals 2, Canadiens 1.

2008-12-15T11:45:00.002-05:00

After hitting the post late in the game Saturday night from about ten feet out whilst facing a half-empty net, Alex Kovalev's goalless streak is at nineteen (19) games. We're well beyond snake-bitten here. Meanwhile, Patrice Brisebois has gone two games without not scoring a goal. I think if you replaced the opposing goalie with a smallish pile of cow shit, Montreal's so-called snipers would at this point all bury the biscuit in the manure. The Habs (16-8-5) powerplay was 0-fer fucking-8 against Washington, and honestly, they didn't have one good scoring chance with the man-advantage. Subbing for the flu-ey Carey Price, Jaro Halak played a solid game in net. But two goals is about two too many to give up these days. Notes: winger Chris Higgins (shoulder) is out five weeks, Saku Koivu (foot/ankle) at least two weeks...D Ryan O'Burnnn continues to skate like me out there (Gainey—HELP!)...Next game: tomorrow @ Carolina.

Saturday morning rubber bullet points.

2008-12-13T09:30:00.003-05:00

• The Capitals dressed their Website producer as backup goalie last night. Maybe he'll start against the Habs tonight? (fingers crossed)
• Habs players have always scored the sweetest endorsement deals.
• Jaro Halak blogs a post for 4HFs.
• Sundin to the Rangers this weekend?
• Mike Bossy had pretty, permed hair.
• What the Winter Classic at Wrigley Field will look like, probably minus the snow.
• Lastly, a fan makes a Stanley Cup out of 16 decks of playing cards and tape and some other stuff and this just made me feel a little queasy (via).

Lightning 3, Canadiens 1.

2008-12-12T12:20:00.001-05:00

The Habs (16-7-5) got outplayed, outskated, out-goaltended, out-coached, out-everythinged last night versus the worst team in the league that had lost nine straight. Tampa's two French Canadian superstars were on ice for about half the fucking game and scored all their goals (St. Louis 2, Lecavalier 1). Montreal's blueliners moved like they were wearing 50-year-old skates. AND...Cap Sak Koivu suffered a dreaded "lower body injury." I spent the game drinking cold, cold Russian vodka. Za Vas, brothers Kovalev and Markov! Next game: tomorrow vs. Washington (revenge time, Habs!) (pictured: a man, not Hab G Jaro Halak, struck by lightning, via.)

Canadiens 4, Flames 1.

2008-12-10T11:50:00.002-05:00

Though the Flames spent large, extended periods of time in the Habs (16-6-5) zone in all three periods, a combination of inept offensive play and excellent goaltending by rust-free Jaroslav Halak meant a comfortable Montreal win. A new Lang (2 Gs) Kovalev Tanguay line put up seven points, and rook Matt D' Agostini's 4th goal in four games was an unassisted breakaway of beauty (video). Notes: Habs now 4-0-1 on the homestand...After an 0-3 night, the Canadiens' "power"play stretch now at 5-63...Mat Dandenault, who was playing some dandy D, suffered a broken arm, which probably means a return of O'Burnnnnn (O'No)...Next game: tomorrow vs. Tampa Bad...(honestly, an image of a stovetop burner would make a better Calgary logo than the current ugly flaming 'C')

Your during-the-game Rubber Bullet Points.

2008-12-09T22:00:00.003-05:00

• Many, many, many words against the shootout. Short version: it's not hockey (true).
• B.U. won the weekend battle of Beantown over B.C.
• Barry Melrose and his mullet are not the least bit bitter about being shitcanned.
• Ranger fans serenaded Dion Phaneuf with "sloppy seconds" chants (via).
• Montreal fans are na-na-na-ing with over 5 minutes left in the game. Idiots.
• Habs win 4-1 (report tomorrow)! Fuck you Mike Kennan!

Devils 2, Canadiens 1, OT.

2008-12-08T13:30:00.002-05:00

A day late, and I'm busy as shit at work...but the Habs (15-6-5) deserved to lose in regulation to the stupid, boring, trapping, stupid Devils. They were 0-5 on the PP (5-60 now), and if it wasn't for Matt D'Agostini's (3 Gs in 4 games) 1st period rebound gift goal, Montreal would have been shutout by some goalie not named Brodeur (who had played 41 straight games against the Canadiens). Next game: tomorrow against the Flames. (click for actual 100% authenticated photo of the Jersey Devil, via. My counselors used to scare the fucking shit out of us little ones with JD stories at kiddie camp in the NJ pine barrens.)

pre-game Rubber Bullet Points.

2008-12-06T18:00:00.001-05:00

• confusing X-Mas ornament: a penguin in a Red Wings jersey.
• NHL TV ratings are up in most markets, and waaay up in some (via).
• Sean Avery's days as a Dallas Star may be over.
• Don't cry for Lover Boy, though. He's got stuff to do: like work on the development of his movie.
• ...and sit at home and stare at his Philip Starck machine gun lamp (right). "It let's you know there's a man in the house."
• EXORCISE THE DEVILS!!!

Canadiens 6, Rangers 2.

2008-12-05T13:00:00.001-05:00

(Haha cutie, your precious Gotham icemen got steamrolled! BooHoo!!!)
I only caught the third period of last night's seeming Total Team Effort. And honestly, after I found out that the Habs (15-6-4) 4-2 lead had once been 4-zip, I was feeling a bit queasy. But Robert Lang's tap-in goal in the first minute of the third—set up by two beautiful passes by Kovalev And Markov—eased my nerves...three in a row, baby! And look at that score sheet! SIX even strength goals. 39-20 shot advantage. Josh Gorges +4. Team effort indeed. And how 'bout D'Agostini's twisted wrister?!? That'll teach you, "King Henrik," to sit back in your net like a lazy pretty king. I think the Habs should now wear those unwashed throw-back uni's every game until they lose again. Next game: tomorrow vs. the evil Jersey Devil(s). (image via)

Canadiens 5, Thrashers 4.

2008-12-03T14:00:00.008-05:00

Last night, a 3-0 third period lead became a 3-3 tie faster than shit through a brown thrasher, as the Habs (14-6-4) really, really tried to give crappy Atlanta two points. But Andrei Kostitsyn (1G, 2A) and Thrasher D Tobias Enstrom's leg came to the rescue. Poor Alex Kovalev appeared to have backhanded in his first goal in a month into an empty net only to have Robert Lang (not) get a piece of it. Notes: Lang looked pretty damn good on the PP point, yes?...Little Matt D'Agostini scored his first NHL goal by simply going to the fucking net...Tomas Plekanec scored! He's well on his way to ten for the season...Next game: tomorrow vs. the hated Rangers...You know, I always thought "Flames" was a less-than-becoming nickname for the original Atlanta hockey club. I mean why would you purposely pick a name that paid tribute to General Tecumseh Sherman's historic little scorched earth march? Wonder how many thrashers died?

Rubber Bullet Points, 12/2/08.

2008-12-02T15:00:00.004-05:00

• Now George Laraque is blogging. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about that fine tough gentleman.
• The Post's Ranger beat writer Larry Brooks—the only hockey writer in the New York area worth an occasional read—calls for an end to fighting. Nice thought. Not bloody likely. (bloody Roy via)
• Red Wings—Blackhawks, New Year's Day, Wrigley Field. This is going to be pretty fucking cool.
• Ilya Kovalchuk skating on the checking line tonight in Montreal? Kovalchuk. Checking. That's rich (via).

Canadiens 3, Sabres 2.

2008-11-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

Another three-goal second period, another win. The Habs (13-6-4) began a seven-game homestand with a big win over division rival Buffalo. Big, because Montreal needed to get the shitty stink of Friday's loss to the Capitals off of them. Big because the Habs finally showed some sustained forechecking and offensive cohesiveness. Cs Max Lapierre and Saku Koivu made sweet plays on Montreal's second and third goals, respectively. They still looked lost on the PP (0-5) and they lacked intensity in their own zone at times and Sergei Kostitsyn took two amazingly stupid slashing penalties but...it was their best overall game in weeks. Notes: Carey Price gave up 2Gs or less for the seventh straight game...all four centers were + on faceoffs, with the Habs winning 36 of 61 total...next game: Tuesday vs. Atlanta. (pictured: book jacket for "Sabre Dance" currently ranked #4,429,436 on Amazon.)

Capitals 3, Canadiens 0.

2008-11-29T14:00:00.002-05:00

To properly visualize The Suck that was Habs hockey last night in Washington, I've trotted out the best Halloween costume in history—The Human Dickwad. Grab a dick giveawayer Ryan O'Burn—why did he play 22 fucking minutes? Grab a dick, non-finisher Alex Kovalev—no goals in 12 games and ridiculously stupid play in his own end, for instance; after Montreal (12-6-4) killed of a long 5-3 PP and with the Habs desperate to get the puck out of their zone, AK twice threw it blindly to Washington point men, eventually leading to the third goal. Grab a dick, Jaroslav Halak—for letting Ovechkin score from the end line. And grab a dick, coach Carbonneau—for not benching Kovalev for a couple of games...coddling his ass obviously isn't working. Notes: Yes, ex Hab G Jose Theodore played a good second period when the Canadiens threw some rubber at him, but Montreal disappeared in the third...one positive moment: Latendresse heroically diving to get the puck out of the zone...next game, tonight against Buffalo.

Canadiens 3, Red Wings 1.

2008-11-27T14:00:00.002-05:00

Lucky bounce for Max Lapierre. Great pass by Markov on Plekanec's first goal in nine games. Nice backhand by Higgins. And the Habs (12-5-4) had themselves a miraculous three-goal lead at Detroit. Time to sit back and let the Wings come at you in waves, and hope for the best. Luckily, G Carey Price was solid and the defensive zone coverage was adequate. One game anomaly or turning point of the season? Panger/HFF33 goes off his lithium and has that critical discussion with himself. Next game: tomorrow at the Capitals and unfrozen caveman Alexander (12Gs) Ovechkin. (image via)

Rubber Bullet Points, 11/26/08.

2008-11-26T14:00:00.003-05:00

• Deadspin covers hockey! Of course, it's a picture of passed-out Flyer prospect James Van Riemsdyck with a penis drawn on his face.
• Darcy Tucker injured his knee and is out four weeks. God, that breaks my fucking heart.
• Energizer is the official battery of the NHL. MYFO celebrates by getting a 5-year-old to help them with Photoshop.
• If Detroit scores three goals tonight, the Habs will lose.
• Photo of pro-Palestinian activist shot in head by Israeli troops with a rubber bullet (looks like Keith Magnuson after a fight with anybody) via.